Ending 2014 with a Little...Opening?

Recently, I had a little push from some friends to do an update post. You know, no matter how often we actually speak, text, email, chat...whatever, I'm grateful to everyone who has supported and encouraged me along the way. Over the course, we've smiled, laughed, cried, sat is awe, and even rejoiced. But as time lapsed, I also learned that my journey with breast cancer wasn't just about me fighting cancer... but me preparing to educate, assist, and encourage other fighters and survivors. It still fills me with awe the copious connections I've made... due to my experience with cancer. Guess my willingness to share the intimate details of my care, allowed readers and other connections to find comfort in asking me about their own challenges with cancer. Been thinking about volunteering as a Koman spokesperson. We'll see. So what's going on?- nothing much. My extended treatment has been pretty stable. I take my Tomoxifen every night before bed, see Dr. Rashid and Dr. Menningburg regularly, and get mammograms and MRIs every year. All exams show what we already are cognizant of... There is a mass of benign scar tissues, necrosis. It's my intention to go ahead with a mastectomy and reconstruction but my schedule just doesn't permit at this time. We'll see what 2015 brings. Changes- can occur any time. A couple of weeks prior to Thanksgiving, I noticed some changes in my breast. Still keeping in mind my last mammo was clean and there is significant scar tissue present, I still couldn't help become a little trepid. Last time there was noticeable change... I waited...and waited... was diagnosed with stage 2 triple positive cancer... fought it... and won. I'm blessed to be a survivor but I certainly don't wish to replay the process. So I went ahead and followed up with my surgeon, Dr. Rashid. She ordered a mammo and ultrasound; MRI will be in 2015, insurance policy. Both test revealed nothing other than necrotic tissue. However, while in NY the following week, the area I was concerned about actually opened up. Just like that. I'll spare you the details but there was cause for alarm. Back home, a follow up appointment suggests that the scar tissue has shifted and is the culprit for the disfigurement and open wound. For now- we will allow the wound to heal, wait for my pending MRI appointment, and take my Tomoxofin. I'm bound by faith and trust that my Lord has granted me only 1 physical experience with cancer. He knows I have no problem reading some texts or engrossing others experiences and lectures. LOL! Whatever He has, I'm ready.

Stomach matters

Guys, I've been crazy busy and I appologise for not keeping my posts more current. In addition to a normally hectic life, I've somehow managed putting school back on my agenda. Wish me luck. Now please remember, I'm just filling you in now. I find it only fair to inform my readers about the stress I had experienced with the conflict between my husband and my oncologist. Oncologist= take your meds, A.D.- you shouldn't need all this stuff, this is what's causing your stomach problems, drink the Kangen water. They have collabarated several times about the meds, and each time they seem to bee at opposite ends. Talk about a mental tug of war... but I knew both guys intentions are for my healing, yet I literally felt trapped. So, what do I do... I stop taking my meds all together. Trust me, I was petrified to make such a step but I figured it was what my husband wanted me to do. My desires were muddled by the disagreement between Dr. S and A.D. "I don't want cancer to come back, I want to take my meds, I want to drink the water, I want to stay here with my family. There is just to much I desire here to let cancer return by not taking the proper precautions... but I'm trapped." Fear, trepidation, worry, set in my soul. Think I set into a mildly depressive state, or maybe I just wasn't talking to anyone much. idk. Sometimes solitude is my salvation from hurt and confusion. Further discussion with A.D., my nurse; she gave the "you wanna die" scolding, and Dr. S. prove worthy. I got back on my meds without much problem. Well, so I thought, but I'll save that for the next post. NEW DOCTOR Finally, I've made it to the gastroenterologist. My approach is hopeful but cautious. Oh, guess what...A.D. came with me. :) Not sure but I'm guessing my excitement about that may be premature. Of course this Dr. had to start out with my entire rundown of care, meds, and surgeries etc. After my history unload he agrees that one of my meds or a combination of both, Tamoxifin and Lupron, MAY be an issue but wanted to investigate more. hump! Wonder how he plans to investigate. I've heard about colonoscopies but never had one nor to I wish to have one. Well... if it'll help resolve my stomach turmoil... I guess I'll have to. The pain and effects are intense, inconvenient, and intolerable. Thankfully, all I had to do was provide a stool sample... in a container. Gross, but it had to be done. RESULTS Stool sample complete and back to the doctors (gastroenterologist). I must admit, the sample looks...a bit odd. A few days later I get a call from him. There is usually a level of trepidation when I receive calls directly from doctors, but this one was going to fix the pain... so I'm filled with gratitude to hear from him. "Your sample has reveiled some interesting information." "ok" "you have what's called Clostridium difficile or C.diff." The human body has good and bad bacteria and can usually manage both under normal conditions. When there is disruption in those normal conditions, those bad bacteria's can become destructive. This particular condition is usually ignited in patients who have taken copious antibiotics that in turn allows those harmless bad bacteria to corruption. The bacteria overgrows and attacks the lining of the intestines leaving them inflamed and irritable. Hence the stomach cramping and diareah. He starts me on another form of antibiotics. Strange. That the very thing that started this condition... yet it's what's needed to cure it. Long story short. These meds are expensive. The 1st cost about a grand, the 2nd about $1,500 and the last and final one about $2,500. The first 2 didn't work but eased my pains. The final one did the trick condition resolved and my stomach is all better. What a reprieve.

Well overdue catchup!

Well it has definitely been a minute since I've said anything here. My apologies...again. Let me do a really brief catch up.

Stomach issues

you may wish to reread my last entry to even remember what I'm talking about. The stomach pains I'd been experiencing were horrific! There was NOwhere I could go or be and stay relaxed... not even my own home. The bathroom route had to be clear and near. This pain is similar to menstrual cramps but they're not in my pelvic area... I would have to say they're more behind it... even above it. ugh! my entire stomach is and has been in turmoil for far too long. My regime of Tums, Metamucile, and some antacid prescribed by my oncologist are NOT working! Not even the slightest bit.

A.D. has been on my case about this. He see's how much discomfort I'm in and want me to be better. He's positive it's from the combination of Tomoxifen and Lupron.

Lupron injection time

So I get this Lupron injection in my right upper butt-cheek every 3 months. No biggie but it burns like a MUGG!!! Of course I explain to Dr. S again about my stomach and A.D.'s concerns of it it being related to my meds. Reassuringly, he tells me it most likely not and should continue with my course of treatment.
Anniversary weekend

Instead of bahooing and having a melt down like a 2 year old(remember... from having my hair cut) A.D. and I went to Callaway Gardens for the weekend. It was a great change of pace. No doctors, no
appointments, no real medical intrusion. NICE! except my stomach is still acting like a bitch. We tried to go out several times to enjoy the weekend but due to my sensitivity to the sun and my stomach we mostly stayed in the room.

We ventured out to dinner one evening and during our meal A.D. asks me how I plan to handle this condition. He knows Dr. S wants to send me to a gastroenterologist but is certain my problems stem from Lupron and Tomofen. "If they can find a way to manage these symptoms, great... cause I can't do this for the 3-5... I'm gotta take these meds." This statement was the beginning to a whole new argument. Just about all weekend we bickered about my meds and me possibly allowing this new doctor to try and manage my symptoms. It got to a point that he told me he would not nor wanted to be present, physically or via the cell, at my next oncology appointment. WHAT!!!! I didn't know if I was to cry or scream. He's been my guide and pilot this entire journey... now he's want me to glide on my own. wow! All this cause he disagreed with my oncologist, nor believed that I needed this gastro appt, and his certainty he knew it was my life prolonging meds. I was silent the rest of the day, and the day after, and the day after that. That's my self defense mechanism...silence! T All week I .... actually .... was a bit scared. What if they give me more unfortunate news...I will be alone!

Stomach Issues! :(

Sorry, I don't think I ever informed you on whether or not I started Lupron. This goes back to the March post. A.D. was not very happy about me taking this other drug in addition to Tamoxifen. Well, I decided to go ahead with it. A couple weeks after starting this drug however, I noticed a change in stomach and bathroom habits. :( I experienced stomach cramps like a MUG! Not like "Penelope" cramps but an achy sour stomach type of thing. Let me give you a really good analogy of this feeling... try to imagine a slightly inflated balloon partially filled with curdled milk.... now place both hands on either side of it and compress... Now squeeeeze it real hard, and repeat... now if that were your stomach I think you would agree that hurts. So anyway, I take on an OTC regime of TUMBS for cramps and Immodium for the runs. This carries on for mmooonnthss! Everywhere I went I had TUMBS on me, it kinda eased the cramping; Immodium didn't do a damn thing. So for 3 months the porcelain and I were good friends. ugh! A.D. is convinced it's the Lupron and that this is a serious side effect from it. We've knocked heads A LOT over this the past few months. He's even loosing faith and trust in my oncologist he says. "You don't need this drug," he says...."up your intake of the [Kangen] water, cancer can't survive in an alkaline body......" All in all, I figured he wants me to put more faith in a holistic approach rather than the scientific. With the way I feel about my care and how he thinks it should be handled seriously clash with each other. I'm starting to feel boxed in. I HATE(somber voice) that feeling... it makes me shut down and retaliate. ugh... Please God, help us through this.


June appointment

Today I'm scheduled to see my oncologist. All is well but I explain to him the stomach issues I've been having. He prescribes a regime of pills for acid reflux and tells me to increase my fiber with Metamucil. "That should take care of it but if not we'll look into other possible causes for this problem." Fine. We chit chat a little more then he says to follow him over to Tika, my nurse, to get my next Lupron. Puzzled, I asked "you want me to leave the room."
"Yes, come" he says.

OK. See, Lupron is a shot in the upper butt cheek so that means I gotta kinda take some part of my garment off. Maybe he knows of some other way Tika does this, so I follow along.

Needless to say, when we got over to the "Mixing Room" where she was working she looked puzzled. I was right, shouldn't have left the room.

"Between you and Dr. S. I don't know what I'm gonna do wich y'all... you gone moon ererybody in here?" lol!!!

Anyway, she fixes or mixes up my medication and comes out the "Mixing Room" shaking the the syringe making sure it's combined well. "Well I guess we can use the employee restroom." My thought on this... it just doesn't look quiet right 2 chicks heading into a single restroom. Guess she thought the same thing cause she cracked up when I share my thought. In there we also discussed the symptoms I was experiencing. Her response coincided with Dr.S... this doesn't seem typical of these meds. Guess I'll do this regime and see what happens.

Chocolate Chip II

It's been several weeks since I've giving you guys an update. Let me fill you in on what's happening.

Chocolate Chip

Well, still waiting for this bond to break... it's as if the ol chip (necrotic/dead skin/scab) doesn't want to leave me. Still hanging on by a little of the underlying tissue. I nurse it everyday and keep it clean so I guess it's feeling pretty cumphy, maybe trying to inform the new stuff how to treat me right. :D By the way, the new areola is looking pretty decent...at least what it allows me to see. The pigmentation is coming back nicely but is still pink in some areas. There is little to no sensation in either areola yet all is well with the breast itself. Time will tell the rest of this tale.

Oh, how bout this... During my visit to the cosmetic surgeon several weeks ago, I learned that she is leaving... like another state leaving. She say's to me "So, you know that after next week the office will be closed right?" Closed for what...."you going on vacation?" To both our surprise, I didn't know her practice was closing for good! "How could my girl patient not know" she says. Well somehow, your staff FORGOT TO MENTION, E MAIL, LETTER, OR CALL ME AND TELL ME!!! That was some kinda 2 week notice. Oh well. She did however remember to refer all her patients to another provider, I just refuse to travel all the way to Marietta to see this person. Gas is too high and I drive a SUV. I'll find a provider closer to me.

Death of a Chocolate Chip

Hello all. Hope everyone is doing well... yes, I am as well but I will quickly fill you in on what's the latest. It's not toooo major yet something to deal with over time.

Today is Monday June13, 2011. Since last week Wednesday I vaguely suspected an infection in my left breast, by Friday I was pretty certain. Ugh! this thing started smelling like an old wound. It started very subtle but was an uncomfortable stench on Friday. Luckily we have this Kangen water system; yup I truly believe in this thing; that allowed us to make a low 2.5 ph water. At this ph level, bacteria can not live. So I've been wrapping my boob up with a towel soaked in this stuff. Guess what??!! it helped reduce to open area around the areola as well as the stench.

Though there was significant improvement in the breast since Friday, I still made it a point to go see my surgeon Monday morning. I won't be long with this story. During the exam I explained the situation and she concluded that I have a case of Necrosis, premature death of cells, limited to the areola. Now, it's a waiting game. Wait for the dead tissue to fall off, wait to see if the color comes back, and wait to see if I get sensation back in the nipple. If the color doesn't return, she said it may take up to a year, she'll send me to have a medical tat done. Interesting! There is nothing they can do about the loss of sensation, we just hope that the nerves will reconnect and do what they are supposed to do. We'll see.

(sad violin music)

Now my "chocolate chip" is dead, may it now rest in peace. Oh, how I will miss it's presence and it love for.... love. ;) I look to the future now when it's progeny appear will be revealed. I promise to love and care for it, no matter how different you two are. Thank you for sticking with me for 35 years.


Peace.

Post Op & It's a Wrap

Well it's been 1 month since my last surgery. My hand is great, just a little numb in the thumb. :) By the way, I don't think I really explained what that was about. There were 2 benign cysts in my right hand; 1 on top of my wrist and the other in my thumb joint; that were removed. Noo biggie.

The team is looking really good too. Though the areola on the left, radiation treated side, resembles a burnt chip. Right now it's my "chocolate chip diskette... that's just what it looks like to me. Dr. F. feels that it will heal over time and that I may get more feeling back in it. They both still have some healing to do but I'll loving their more youthful appearance. Both A.D. and I were pleased the first time I removed the granny support bra and put on a tank. Victoria and it's other secrets are still on hold. While I have graduated from the granny support medical bra, I still can not wear a regular one... just a sport for now.

Still very limited on activity. The body has to heal completely before I can get back into some kinda groove. At this point my body is saying WHATEVAaa! Things have gotten flabby, dimply, and a tad bit jiggly. ugh! It'll be like starting from scratch when I finally get to pick up a wight, do some P90x, Jillian Michaels, or even (dreaded)jog. I especially miss martial art training with my adult students. The crew we have is like an extended family. They have been crazy supportive and I thank them for that. LUV YOU GUYS!!!!! :)

It's a Wrap

Wow! the time has come for me to say goodbye to all I.V. treatments. Yes, Friday June 3, 2011, I received my LAST Herceptin. What a milestone. All that's left are a daily pill [Tamoxifen]that I'll be on for the next 5 years, a [Lupron]shot in the hip every 3 months for the next 3 yrs, blood workups and some scans for the next 5. NOT bad. Oh, and 1 other very small surgery to remove my port... whenever that may be. Dr. S. has already requested I keep it until after my PET scan, but the ladies in the cancer center informed me they may ask I keep it for up to a year. hhhmmm.... interesting. I'll keep you posted.

The blog posts will slow down now, as they already have, since there isn't anything much going on at this point. Thank you all for your support, encouragement, cards, calls, texts, e mails, and visits along this journey. Each of you hold a special place in my heart that I will cherish for a long time.