Friday, December 26, 2014
Ending 2014 with a Little...Opening?
Recently, I had a little push from some friends to do an update post. You know, no matter how often we actually speak, text, email, chat...whatever, I'm grateful to everyone who has supported and encouraged me along the way. Over the course, we've smiled, laughed, cried, sat is awe, and even rejoiced. But as time lapsed, I also learned that my journey with breast cancer wasn't just about me fighting cancer... but me preparing to educate, assist, and encourage other fighters and survivors. It still fills me with awe the copious connections I've made... due to my experience with cancer. Guess my willingness to share the intimate details of my care, allowed readers and other connections to find comfort in asking me about their own challenges with cancer. Been thinking about volunteering as a Koman spokesperson. We'll see.
So what's going on?- nothing much. My extended treatment has been pretty stable. I take my Tomoxifen every night before bed, see Dr. Rashid and Dr. Menningburg regularly, and get mammograms and MRIs every year. All exams show what we already are cognizant of... There is a mass of benign scar tissues, necrosis. It's my intention to go ahead with a mastectomy and reconstruction but my schedule just doesn't permit at this time. We'll see what 2015 brings.
Changes- can occur any time. A couple of weeks prior to Thanksgiving, I noticed some changes in my breast. Still keeping in mind my last mammo was clean and there is significant scar tissue present, I still couldn't help become a little trepid. Last time there was noticeable change... I waited...and waited... was diagnosed with stage 2 triple positive cancer... fought it... and won. I'm blessed to be a survivor but I certainly don't wish to replay the process. So I went ahead and followed up with my surgeon, Dr. Rashid. She ordered a mammo and ultrasound; MRI will be in 2015, insurance policy. Both test revealed nothing other than necrotic tissue. However, while in NY the following week, the area I was concerned about actually opened up. Just like that. I'll spare you the details but there was cause for alarm. Back home, a follow up appointment suggests that the scar tissue has shifted and is the culprit for the disfigurement and open wound.
For now- we will allow the wound to heal, wait for my pending MRI appointment, and take my Tomoxofin. I'm bound by faith and trust that my Lord has granted me only 1 physical experience with cancer. He knows I have no problem reading some texts or engrossing others experiences and lectures. LOL! Whatever He has, I'm ready.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Stomach matters
Guys, I've been crazy busy and I appologise for not keeping my posts more current. In addition to a normally hectic life, I've somehow managed putting school back on my agenda. Wish me luck.
Now please remember, I'm just filling you in now. I find it only fair to inform my readers about the stress I had experienced with the conflict between my husband and my oncologist. Oncologist= take your meds, A.D.- you shouldn't need all this stuff, this is what's causing your stomach problems, drink the Kangen water. They have collabarated several times about the meds, and each time they seem to bee at opposite ends. Talk about a mental tug of war... but I knew both guys intentions are for my healing, yet I literally felt trapped. So, what do I do... I stop taking my meds all together. Trust me, I was petrified to make such a step but I figured it was what my husband wanted me to do. My desires were muddled by the disagreement between Dr. S and A.D. "I don't want cancer to come back, I want to take my meds, I want to drink the water, I want to stay here with my family. There is just to much I desire here to let cancer return by not taking the proper precautions... but I'm trapped."
Fear, trepidation, worry, set in my soul. Think I set into a mildly depressive state, or maybe I just wasn't talking to anyone much. idk. Sometimes solitude is my salvation from hurt and confusion. Further discussion with A.D., my nurse; she gave the "you wanna die" scolding, and Dr. S. prove worthy. I got back on my meds without much problem. Well, so I thought, but I'll save that for the next post.
NEW DOCTOR
Finally, I've made it to the gastroenterologist. My approach is hopeful but cautious. Oh, guess what...A.D. came with me. :) Not sure but I'm guessing my excitement about that may be premature.
Of course this Dr. had to start out with my entire rundown of care, meds, and surgeries etc. After my history unload he agrees that one of my meds or a combination of both, Tamoxifin and Lupron, MAY be an issue but wanted to investigate more.
hump! Wonder how he plans to investigate. I've heard about colonoscopies but never had one nor to I wish to have one. Well... if it'll help resolve my stomach turmoil... I guess I'll have to. The pain and effects are intense, inconvenient, and intolerable. Thankfully, all I had to do was provide a stool sample... in a container. Gross, but it had to be done.
RESULTS
Stool sample complete and back to the doctors (gastroenterologist). I must admit, the sample looks...a bit odd.
A few days later I get a call from him. There is usually a level of trepidation when I receive calls directly from doctors, but this one was going to fix the pain... so I'm filled with gratitude to hear from him.
"Your sample has reveiled some interesting information."
"ok"
"you have what's called Clostridium difficile or C.diff."
The human body has good and bad bacteria and can usually manage both under normal conditions. When there is disruption in those normal conditions, those bad bacteria's can become destructive. This particular condition is usually ignited in patients who have taken copious antibiotics that in turn allows those harmless bad bacteria to corruption. The bacteria overgrows and attacks the lining of the intestines leaving them inflamed and irritable. Hence the stomach cramping and diareah.
He starts me on another form of antibiotics. Strange. That the very thing that started this condition... yet it's what's needed to cure it.
Long story short. These meds are expensive. The 1st cost about a grand, the 2nd about $1,500 and the last and final one about $2,500. The first 2 didn't work but eased my pains. The final one did the trick condition resolved and my stomach is all better. What a reprieve.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Well overdue catchup!
Well it has definitely been a minute since I've said anything here. My apologies...again. Let me do a really brief catch up.
Stomach issues
you may wish to reread my last entry to even remember what I'm talking about. The stomach pains I'd been experiencing were horrific! There was NOwhere I could go or be and stay relaxed... not even my own home. The bathroom route had to be clear and near. This pain is similar to menstrual cramps but they're not in my pelvic area... I would have to say they're more behind it... even above it. ugh! my entire stomach is and has been in turmoil for far too long. My regime of Tums, Metamucile, and some antacid prescribed by my oncologist are NOT working! Not even the slightest bit.
A.D. has been on my case about this. He see's how much discomfort I'm in and want me to be better. He's positive it's from the combination of Tomoxifen and Lupron.
Lupron injection time
So I get this Lupron injection in my right upper butt-cheek every 3 months. No biggie but it burns like a MUGG!!! Of course I explain to Dr. S again about my stomach and A.D.'s concerns of it it being related to my meds. Reassuringly, he tells me it most likely not and should continue with my course of treatment.
Anniversary weekend
Instead of bahooing and having a melt down like a 2 year old(remember... from having my hair cut) A.D. and I went to Callaway Gardens for the weekend. It was a great change of pace. No doctors, no
appointments, no real medical intrusion. NICE! except my stomach is still acting like a bitch. We tried to go out several times to enjoy the weekend but due to my sensitivity to the sun and my stomach we mostly stayed in the room.
We ventured out to dinner one evening and during our meal A.D. asks me how I plan to handle this condition. He knows Dr. S wants to send me to a gastroenterologist but is certain my problems stem from Lupron and Tomofen. "If they can find a way to manage these symptoms, great... cause I can't do this for the 3-5... I'm gotta take these meds." This statement was the beginning to a whole new argument. Just about all weekend we bickered about my meds and me possibly allowing this new doctor to try and manage my symptoms. It got to a point that he told me he would not nor wanted to be present, physically or via the cell, at my next oncology appointment. WHAT!!!! I didn't know if I was to cry or scream. He's been my guide and pilot this entire journey... now he's want me to glide on my own. wow! All this cause he disagreed with my oncologist, nor believed that I needed this gastro appt, and his certainty he knew it was my life prolonging meds. I was silent the rest of the day, and the day after, and the day after that. That's my self defense mechanism...silence! T All week I .... actually .... was a bit scared. What if they give me more unfortunate news...I will be alone!
Stomach issues
you may wish to reread my last entry to even remember what I'm talking about. The stomach pains I'd been experiencing were horrific! There was NOwhere I could go or be and stay relaxed... not even my own home. The bathroom route had to be clear and near. This pain is similar to menstrual cramps but they're not in my pelvic area... I would have to say they're more behind it... even above it. ugh! my entire stomach is and has been in turmoil for far too long. My regime of Tums, Metamucile, and some antacid prescribed by my oncologist are NOT working! Not even the slightest bit.
A.D. has been on my case about this. He see's how much discomfort I'm in and want me to be better. He's positive it's from the combination of Tomoxifen and Lupron.
Lupron injection time
So I get this Lupron injection in my right upper butt-cheek every 3 months. No biggie but it burns like a MUGG!!! Of course I explain to Dr. S again about my stomach and A.D.'s concerns of it it being related to my meds. Reassuringly, he tells me it most likely not and should continue with my course of treatment.
Anniversary weekend
Instead of bahooing and having a melt down like a 2 year old(remember... from having my hair cut) A.D. and I went to Callaway Gardens for the weekend. It was a great change of pace. No doctors, no
appointments, no real medical intrusion. NICE! except my stomach is still acting like a bitch. We tried to go out several times to enjoy the weekend but due to my sensitivity to the sun and my stomach we mostly stayed in the room.
We ventured out to dinner one evening and during our meal A.D. asks me how I plan to handle this condition. He knows Dr. S wants to send me to a gastroenterologist but is certain my problems stem from Lupron and Tomofen. "If they can find a way to manage these symptoms, great... cause I can't do this for the 3-5... I'm gotta take these meds." This statement was the beginning to a whole new argument. Just about all weekend we bickered about my meds and me possibly allowing this new doctor to try and manage my symptoms. It got to a point that he told me he would not nor wanted to be present, physically or via the cell, at my next oncology appointment. WHAT!!!! I didn't know if I was to cry or scream. He's been my guide and pilot this entire journey... now he's want me to glide on my own. wow! All this cause he disagreed with my oncologist, nor believed that I needed this gastro appt, and his certainty he knew it was my life prolonging meds. I was silent the rest of the day, and the day after, and the day after that. That's my self defense mechanism...silence! T All week I .... actually .... was a bit scared. What if they give me more unfortunate news...I will be alone!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Stomach Issues! :(
Sorry, I don't think I ever informed you on whether or not I started Lupron. This goes back to the March post. A.D. was not very happy about me taking this other drug in addition to Tamoxifen. Well, I decided to go ahead with it. A couple weeks after starting this drug however, I noticed a change in stomach and bathroom habits. :( I experienced stomach cramps like a MUG! Not like "Penelope" cramps but an achy sour stomach type of thing. Let me give you a really good analogy of this feeling... try to imagine a slightly inflated balloon partially filled with curdled milk.... now place both hands on either side of it and compress... Now squeeeeze it real hard, and repeat... now if that were your stomach I think you would agree that hurts. So anyway, I take on an OTC regime of TUMBS for cramps and Immodium for the runs. This carries on for mmooonnthss! Everywhere I went I had TUMBS on me, it kinda eased the cramping; Immodium didn't do a damn thing. So for 3 months the porcelain and I were good friends. ugh! A.D. is convinced it's the Lupron and that this is a serious side effect from it. We've knocked heads A LOT over this the past few months. He's even loosing faith and trust in my oncologist he says. "You don't need this drug," he says...."up your intake of the [Kangen] water, cancer can't survive in an alkaline body......" All in all, I figured he wants me to put more faith in a holistic approach rather than the scientific. With the way I feel about my care and how he thinks it should be handled seriously clash with each other. I'm starting to feel boxed in. I HATE(somber voice) that feeling... it makes me shut down and retaliate. ugh... Please God, help us through this.
June appointment
Today I'm scheduled to see my oncologist. All is well but I explain to him the stomach issues I've been having. He prescribes a regime of pills for acid reflux and tells me to increase my fiber with Metamucil. "That should take care of it but if not we'll look into other possible causes for this problem." Fine. We chit chat a little more then he says to follow him over to Tika, my nurse, to get my next Lupron. Puzzled, I asked "you want me to leave the room."
"Yes, come" he says.
OK. See, Lupron is a shot in the upper butt cheek so that means I gotta kinda take some part of my garment off. Maybe he knows of some other way Tika does this, so I follow along.
Needless to say, when we got over to the "Mixing Room" where she was working she looked puzzled. I was right, shouldn't have left the room.
"Between you and Dr. S. I don't know what I'm gonna do wich y'all... you gone moon ererybody in here?" lol!!!
Anyway, she fixes or mixes up my medication and comes out the "Mixing Room" shaking the the syringe making sure it's combined well. "Well I guess we can use the employee restroom." My thought on this... it just doesn't look quiet right 2 chicks heading into a single restroom. Guess she thought the same thing cause she cracked up when I share my thought. In there we also discussed the symptoms I was experiencing. Her response coincided with Dr.S... this doesn't seem typical of these meds. Guess I'll do this regime and see what happens.
June appointment
Today I'm scheduled to see my oncologist. All is well but I explain to him the stomach issues I've been having. He prescribes a regime of pills for acid reflux and tells me to increase my fiber with Metamucil. "That should take care of it but if not we'll look into other possible causes for this problem." Fine. We chit chat a little more then he says to follow him over to Tika, my nurse, to get my next Lupron. Puzzled, I asked "you want me to leave the room."
"Yes, come" he says.
OK. See, Lupron is a shot in the upper butt cheek so that means I gotta kinda take some part of my garment off. Maybe he knows of some other way Tika does this, so I follow along.
Needless to say, when we got over to the "Mixing Room" where she was working she looked puzzled. I was right, shouldn't have left the room.
"Between you and Dr. S. I don't know what I'm gonna do wich y'all... you gone moon ererybody in here?" lol!!!
Anyway, she fixes or mixes up my medication and comes out the "Mixing Room" shaking the the syringe making sure it's combined well. "Well I guess we can use the employee restroom." My thought on this... it just doesn't look quiet right 2 chicks heading into a single restroom. Guess she thought the same thing cause she cracked up when I share my thought. In there we also discussed the symptoms I was experiencing. Her response coincided with Dr.S... this doesn't seem typical of these meds. Guess I'll do this regime and see what happens.
Chocolate Chip II
It's been several weeks since I've giving you guys an update. Let me fill you in on what's happening.
Chocolate Chip
Well, still waiting for this bond to break... it's as if the ol chip (necrotic/dead skin/scab) doesn't want to leave me. Still hanging on by a little of the underlying tissue. I nurse it everyday and keep it clean so I guess it's feeling pretty cumphy, maybe trying to inform the new stuff how to treat me right. :D By the way, the new areola is looking pretty decent...at least what it allows me to see. The pigmentation is coming back nicely but is still pink in some areas. There is little to no sensation in either areola yet all is well with the breast itself. Time will tell the rest of this tale.
Oh, how bout this... During my visit to the cosmetic surgeon several weeks ago, I learned that she is leaving... like another state leaving. She say's to me "So, you know that after next week the office will be closed right?" Closed for what...."you going on vacation?" To both our surprise, I didn't know her practice was closing for good! "How could my girl patient not know" she says. Well somehow, your staff FORGOT TO MENTION, E MAIL, LETTER, OR CALL ME AND TELL ME!!! That was some kinda 2 week notice. Oh well. She did however remember to refer all her patients to another provider, I just refuse to travel all the way to Marietta to see this person. Gas is too high and I drive a SUV. I'll find a provider closer to me.
Chocolate Chip
Well, still waiting for this bond to break... it's as if the ol chip (necrotic/dead skin/scab) doesn't want to leave me. Still hanging on by a little of the underlying tissue. I nurse it everyday and keep it clean so I guess it's feeling pretty cumphy, maybe trying to inform the new stuff how to treat me right. :D By the way, the new areola is looking pretty decent...at least what it allows me to see. The pigmentation is coming back nicely but is still pink in some areas. There is little to no sensation in either areola yet all is well with the breast itself. Time will tell the rest of this tale.
Oh, how bout this... During my visit to the cosmetic surgeon several weeks ago, I learned that she is leaving... like another state leaving. She say's to me "So, you know that after next week the office will be closed right?" Closed for what...."you going on vacation?" To both our surprise, I didn't know her practice was closing for good! "How could my girl patient not know" she says. Well somehow, your staff FORGOT TO MENTION, E MAIL, LETTER, OR CALL ME AND TELL ME!!! That was some kinda 2 week notice. Oh well. She did however remember to refer all her patients to another provider, I just refuse to travel all the way to Marietta to see this person. Gas is too high and I drive a SUV. I'll find a provider closer to me.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Death of a Chocolate Chip
Hello all. Hope everyone is doing well... yes, I am as well but I will quickly fill you in on what's the latest. It's not toooo major yet something to deal with over time.
Today is Monday June13, 2011. Since last week Wednesday I vaguely suspected an infection in my left breast, by Friday I was pretty certain. Ugh! this thing started smelling like an old wound. It started very subtle but was an uncomfortable stench on Friday. Luckily we have this Kangen water system; yup I truly believe in this thing; that allowed us to make a low 2.5 ph water. At this ph level, bacteria can not live. So I've been wrapping my boob up with a towel soaked in this stuff. Guess what??!! it helped reduce to open area around the areola as well as the stench.
Though there was significant improvement in the breast since Friday, I still made it a point to go see my surgeon Monday morning. I won't be long with this story. During the exam I explained the situation and she concluded that I have a case of Necrosis, premature death of cells, limited to the areola. Now, it's a waiting game. Wait for the dead tissue to fall off, wait to see if the color comes back, and wait to see if I get sensation back in the nipple. If the color doesn't return, she said it may take up to a year, she'll send me to have a medical tat done. Interesting! There is nothing they can do about the loss of sensation, we just hope that the nerves will reconnect and do what they are supposed to do. We'll see.
(sad violin music)
Now my "chocolate chip" is dead, may it now rest in peace. Oh, how I will miss it's presence and it love for.... love. ;) I look to the future now when it's progeny appear will be revealed. I promise to love and care for it, no matter how different you two are. Thank you for sticking with me for 35 years.
Peace.
Today is Monday June13, 2011. Since last week Wednesday I vaguely suspected an infection in my left breast, by Friday I was pretty certain. Ugh! this thing started smelling like an old wound. It started very subtle but was an uncomfortable stench on Friday. Luckily we have this Kangen water system; yup I truly believe in this thing; that allowed us to make a low 2.5 ph water. At this ph level, bacteria can not live. So I've been wrapping my boob up with a towel soaked in this stuff. Guess what??!! it helped reduce to open area around the areola as well as the stench.
Though there was significant improvement in the breast since Friday, I still made it a point to go see my surgeon Monday morning. I won't be long with this story. During the exam I explained the situation and she concluded that I have a case of Necrosis, premature death of cells, limited to the areola. Now, it's a waiting game. Wait for the dead tissue to fall off, wait to see if the color comes back, and wait to see if I get sensation back in the nipple. If the color doesn't return, she said it may take up to a year, she'll send me to have a medical tat done. Interesting! There is nothing they can do about the loss of sensation, we just hope that the nerves will reconnect and do what they are supposed to do. We'll see.
(sad violin music)
Now my "chocolate chip" is dead, may it now rest in peace. Oh, how I will miss it's presence and it love for.... love. ;) I look to the future now when it's progeny appear will be revealed. I promise to love and care for it, no matter how different you two are. Thank you for sticking with me for 35 years.
Peace.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Post Op & It's a Wrap
Well it's been 1 month since my last surgery. My hand is great, just a little numb in the thumb. :) By the way, I don't think I really explained what that was about. There were 2 benign cysts in my right hand; 1 on top of my wrist and the other in my thumb joint; that were removed. Noo biggie.
The team is looking really good too. Though the areola on the left, radiation treated side, resembles a burnt chip. Right now it's my "chocolate chip diskette... that's just what it looks like to me. Dr. F. feels that it will heal over time and that I may get more feeling back in it. They both still have some healing to do but I'll loving their more youthful appearance. Both A.D. and I were pleased the first time I removed the granny support bra and put on a tank. Victoria and it's other secrets are still on hold. While I have graduated from the granny support medical bra, I still can not wear a regular one... just a sport for now.
Still very limited on activity. The body has to heal completely before I can get back into some kinda groove. At this point my body is saying WHATEVAaa! Things have gotten flabby, dimply, and a tad bit jiggly. ugh! It'll be like starting from scratch when I finally get to pick up a wight, do some P90x, Jillian Michaels, or even (dreaded)jog. I especially miss martial art training with my adult students. The crew we have is like an extended family. They have been crazy supportive and I thank them for that. LUV YOU GUYS!!!!! :)
It's a Wrap
Wow! the time has come for me to say goodbye to all I.V. treatments. Yes, Friday June 3, 2011, I received my LAST Herceptin. What a milestone. All that's left are a daily pill [Tamoxifen]that I'll be on for the next 5 years, a [Lupron]shot in the hip every 3 months for the next 3 yrs, blood workups and some scans for the next 5. NOT bad. Oh, and 1 other very small surgery to remove my port... whenever that may be. Dr. S. has already requested I keep it until after my PET scan, but the ladies in the cancer center informed me they may ask I keep it for up to a year. hhhmmm.... interesting. I'll keep you posted.
The blog posts will slow down now, as they already have, since there isn't anything much going on at this point. Thank you all for your support, encouragement, cards, calls, texts, e mails, and visits along this journey. Each of you hold a special place in my heart that I will cherish for a long time.
The team is looking really good too. Though the areola on the left, radiation treated side, resembles a burnt chip. Right now it's my "chocolate chip diskette... that's just what it looks like to me. Dr. F. feels that it will heal over time and that I may get more feeling back in it. They both still have some healing to do but I'll loving their more youthful appearance. Both A.D. and I were pleased the first time I removed the granny support bra and put on a tank. Victoria and it's other secrets are still on hold. While I have graduated from the granny support medical bra, I still can not wear a regular one... just a sport for now.
Still very limited on activity. The body has to heal completely before I can get back into some kinda groove. At this point my body is saying WHATEVAaa! Things have gotten flabby, dimply, and a tad bit jiggly. ugh! It'll be like starting from scratch when I finally get to pick up a wight, do some P90x, Jillian Michaels, or even (dreaded)jog. I especially miss martial art training with my adult students. The crew we have is like an extended family. They have been crazy supportive and I thank them for that. LUV YOU GUYS!!!!! :)
It's a Wrap
Wow! the time has come for me to say goodbye to all I.V. treatments. Yes, Friday June 3, 2011, I received my LAST Herceptin. What a milestone. All that's left are a daily pill [Tamoxifen]that I'll be on for the next 5 years, a [Lupron]shot in the hip every 3 months for the next 3 yrs, blood workups and some scans for the next 5. NOT bad. Oh, and 1 other very small surgery to remove my port... whenever that may be. Dr. S. has already requested I keep it until after my PET scan, but the ladies in the cancer center informed me they may ask I keep it for up to a year. hhhmmm.... interesting. I'll keep you posted.
The blog posts will slow down now, as they already have, since there isn't anything much going on at this point. Thank you all for your support, encouragement, cards, calls, texts, e mails, and visits along this journey. Each of you hold a special place in my heart that I will cherish for a long time.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Recontruction time
All has been pretty normal for a while. I decided to go ahead with the Lupron, think I mentioned it before, and still on everything else.
I went in for my Herceptin infusion. Of course Dr. S, my oncologist, wanted to see me first so the nurse took me to a patient room. He came in just as jolly as can be. LOL! "Hey there, how are you,tell me what going on." I explained that I had been having trouble sleeping, and staying asleep. That's so NOT like me, usually when my head touch my pillow I'm out. So he gives me Ambien. The he says to me I know you're probably going to punch me but how are hot flashes going?" I looked at him and sat up straight. "You knew this would happen huh?" "yes" he said. No I didn't punch him, not my style, ;-)but I did give him an earful of my new experiences with hot flashes. They can make a sista (or any person) miserable. He explains why they are a good thing in my case. If I weren't experiencing them, that would mean my body is still ovulating and creating hormones. So for now they are a good thing.
Monday May 9,2011 Surgery Day
I've been looking forward to this surgery for a while. Reconstructive surgery. No I didn't have a mastectomy BUT the left side of the team was a bit disfigured and smaller due to the lumpectomy and radiation. The surgeon; Dr.F; said she would fix that, make the breast symmetrical, and give me a lift as well using nothing but my own tissue.
Got to the hospital on time and they got busy with me going over notes,taking vitals, and starting an IV IN MY FOOT! OUCH!!!I'm sure I crushed A.D.'s hand for that one. The blood pressure cup was then placed on my other leg. See, I can no longer have anything restrictive on my left side due to the removal of lymph nodes and hand surgeon, Dr.Y., was brought in to remove two benign cysts from the right hand.
Dr. F came in shortly before the begin time and drew some makings on my chest. I'm excited now. Then the driver comes to take me back to O.R. LOL! It's the same dude that took my back last time. OR 2 is where we're stationed today. Dr. Y. comes out greets me and draws a smiley face on my finger and hand where he will be working.
In O.R. I'm transferred to another bed. LOL! this is nice. There is some blues playing. Dr. Y. explained that he had just gotten back from a Louisiana festival and had picked it up. Of course I take notice of everything around me. The tech's, the nurse, the equipment; ugh shouldn't have looked at that; the lights, everything. Anesthesia comes in and plays a game on me. Literally! After placing some wires and I guess getting some stuff in order she says "Let's make sure this the the right size mask for you." :l That's the last I remember before waking up in recovery.
Recovery Triage
All I really remember is starting to wake up in pain. The nurse next to me asked how I was doing and I told her "my boobies hurt." "Ok, I'll get you another dose of morphine. Think I got about 3 or 4 of those before they wheeled me to the patient room. Took about another 2 hour nap then went home.
Now I rest at home with a tight support bra and my hand bandaged. :l Friday we go in for a followup. I'll get a glimpse of them and learn how to change my bandages.
I went in for my Herceptin infusion. Of course Dr. S, my oncologist, wanted to see me first so the nurse took me to a patient room. He came in just as jolly as can be. LOL! "Hey there, how are you,tell me what going on." I explained that I had been having trouble sleeping, and staying asleep. That's so NOT like me, usually when my head touch my pillow I'm out. So he gives me Ambien. The he says to me I know you're probably going to punch me but how are hot flashes going?" I looked at him and sat up straight. "You knew this would happen huh?" "yes" he said. No I didn't punch him, not my style, ;-)but I did give him an earful of my new experiences with hot flashes. They can make a sista (or any person) miserable. He explains why they are a good thing in my case. If I weren't experiencing them, that would mean my body is still ovulating and creating hormones. So for now they are a good thing.
Monday May 9,2011 Surgery Day
I've been looking forward to this surgery for a while. Reconstructive surgery. No I didn't have a mastectomy BUT the left side of the team was a bit disfigured and smaller due to the lumpectomy and radiation. The surgeon; Dr.F; said she would fix that, make the breast symmetrical, and give me a lift as well using nothing but my own tissue.
Got to the hospital on time and they got busy with me going over notes,taking vitals, and starting an IV IN MY FOOT! OUCH!!!I'm sure I crushed A.D.'s hand for that one. The blood pressure cup was then placed on my other leg. See, I can no longer have anything restrictive on my left side due to the removal of lymph nodes and hand surgeon, Dr.Y., was brought in to remove two benign cysts from the right hand.
Dr. F came in shortly before the begin time and drew some makings on my chest. I'm excited now. Then the driver comes to take me back to O.R. LOL! It's the same dude that took my back last time. OR 2 is where we're stationed today. Dr. Y. comes out greets me and draws a smiley face on my finger and hand where he will be working.
In O.R. I'm transferred to another bed. LOL! this is nice. There is some blues playing. Dr. Y. explained that he had just gotten back from a Louisiana festival and had picked it up. Of course I take notice of everything around me. The tech's, the nurse, the equipment; ugh shouldn't have looked at that; the lights, everything. Anesthesia comes in and plays a game on me. Literally! After placing some wires and I guess getting some stuff in order she says "Let's make sure this the the right size mask for you." :l That's the last I remember before waking up in recovery.
Recovery Triage
All I really remember is starting to wake up in pain. The nurse next to me asked how I was doing and I told her "my boobies hurt." "Ok, I'll get you another dose of morphine. Think I got about 3 or 4 of those before they wheeled me to the patient room. Took about another 2 hour nap then went home.
Now I rest at home with a tight support bra and my hand bandaged. :l Friday we go in for a followup. I'll get a glimpse of them and learn how to change my bandages.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
April 21, 2010
Very Apprehensive this morning. Today I get the results from the biopsies. There is something just churning in my gut... but I don't know what. Maybe because I know I'm not a good test taker and may not get good results. Nerves!!! Nerves!!! NERVOUS, on the inside, but on the outside all you see is a calm, in control Mel.
A.D. and I got the kids off to school... on time, then head to Dunkin Donuts before heading to Dekalb Medical. UGH! my stomach.... churning with nerves! Anxiety is killing me...yet I maintain steady on the outside. Just don't fuck with me right now... ANYBODY!
AT THE HOSPITAL
A.D. pulls into a disables parking spot, I still had my decal from when I was in crutches and didn't mind still using it though I was better. UGH! my stomach is letting me know I ain't comfortable with my environment. ANXIETY!!! A.D. knows me well... I believe he can actually feel my distress and comforts me with simple works I can comprehend right now; "it's okay babe."
Sitting there in the waiting room allowed me to think about a lot of things. But I recalled wanting to see Dr. R.'s face, I needed to read her expressions and body language. I could determine if she had good news or not. A few more minutes go by then the nurse calls "Merrick."
Heading to the patient room
Nicole smiles as we came to her but it isn't her expression or face demeanor I'm interested in... Dr. R.? where are you? Just about to the room and I look to my left and there she is but damn!!!! her back is to me as she consults with one of the med students. ugh!!! WAIT!!! He looked at me, he couldn't help but lock eyes with me for a few seconds. Yea, sincerity was there but there was something more genuine,.... kindness... sympathy??? SHIT!!!! What does he know that I don't!? Still it's not his expression I want, but she kept her back to me.
We waited a few seconds, and I do mean seconds, and she comes in; without the student. DAMN, her face is neutral... she tells me nothing much by her demeanor, but she isn't really smiling as she usually does. After a little exam of my breast, from the biopsy area, she sits on her rolling stool and says "Well you did well with your test but unfortunately the samples came back as Cancer... you have breast cancer." The rest was a blur... she attempted to tell us some other stuff but she sounded like the Charlie Brown characters.
I'm going to spare you the rest of the story and let you read it in my book; the one that so many are encouraging me to write. :) It's a bit much for me to types these words, they are quoted word from my medical diary and those were written fresh with emotions at the time. Trust that this has been a tremendous emotional journey for my family and I, and that showing and sharing my emotion like this is NOT like me.
Anyway, I believe you can now pick up the rest of the story at the beginning of this blog site.
A.D. and I got the kids off to school... on time, then head to Dunkin Donuts before heading to Dekalb Medical. UGH! my stomach.... churning with nerves! Anxiety is killing me...yet I maintain steady on the outside. Just don't fuck with me right now... ANYBODY!
AT THE HOSPITAL
A.D. pulls into a disables parking spot, I still had my decal from when I was in crutches and didn't mind still using it though I was better. UGH! my stomach is letting me know I ain't comfortable with my environment. ANXIETY!!! A.D. knows me well... I believe he can actually feel my distress and comforts me with simple works I can comprehend right now; "it's okay babe."
Sitting there in the waiting room allowed me to think about a lot of things. But I recalled wanting to see Dr. R.'s face, I needed to read her expressions and body language. I could determine if she had good news or not. A few more minutes go by then the nurse calls "Merrick."
Heading to the patient room
Nicole smiles as we came to her but it isn't her expression or face demeanor I'm interested in... Dr. R.? where are you? Just about to the room and I look to my left and there she is but damn!!!! her back is to me as she consults with one of the med students. ugh!!! WAIT!!! He looked at me, he couldn't help but lock eyes with me for a few seconds. Yea, sincerity was there but there was something more genuine,.... kindness... sympathy??? SHIT!!!! What does he know that I don't!? Still it's not his expression I want, but she kept her back to me.
We waited a few seconds, and I do mean seconds, and she comes in; without the student. DAMN, her face is neutral... she tells me nothing much by her demeanor, but she isn't really smiling as she usually does. After a little exam of my breast, from the biopsy area, she sits on her rolling stool and says "Well you did well with your test but unfortunately the samples came back as Cancer... you have breast cancer." The rest was a blur... she attempted to tell us some other stuff but she sounded like the Charlie Brown characters.
I'm going to spare you the rest of the story and let you read it in my book; the one that so many are encouraging me to write. :) It's a bit much for me to types these words, they are quoted word from my medical diary and those were written fresh with emotions at the time. Trust that this has been a tremendous emotional journey for my family and I, and that showing and sharing my emotion like this is NOT like me.
Anyway, I believe you can now pick up the rest of the story at the beginning of this blog site.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Biopsy #2
Dr. R. calls me a couple days later to check on me. All is well, just some swelling, bruising and some soreness. She tells me that I need to come back and do another biopsy for the underarm (axillary) area. It needed to be done in the Comprehensive Breast Center so we could utilize the higher tech machines.
Appointment
Got there ON TIME :) did all the paperwork and followed the nurse to the exam room. Yup! did the drill... take off everything from the waist up and put on the paper gown. The nurses; there were 2 this time, 1 new from another hospital, prepped me. One put gel under my arm and located the areas in question. My eyes were glued to the monitor. It didn't take her long at all to locate the area and found several masses. I was shaken by every mass she found after the first, I anticipated them maybe finding only one.... Not 3. She then marks their locations and calls for Dr.R.
Dr. R. was in a meeting but made it down quickly. We make a some small talk as she looks over some info the nurse handed to her and says, "well, I don't think you're going to like me when I'm done today, I've gotta take quiet a few samples." Even though I could feel the pressure the actual procedure wasn't too bad.
The samples taken looked like small pieces of flesh.
Now all I had to do was get up, dressed, and head home. NOT SO EASY! Damn, I was hurting so much the nurses had to help me sit up. My left side was numb! swollen! hard! stiff! swollen!... oh did I mention swollen! OMG! I was in so much pain the nurses had to help me get dressed after they bandaged me up.
Back at the truck I had to use my right hand to reach over and get the buckle. I was seeing freaking stars everywhere. I called A.D. to fill him in. He felt bad because he wasn't there and suggested I waited there for him to come help me. Hell nah, I needed to get home, some pain pills, and my bed....but first I had to make it to CVS across the street.
At CVS
I had so much trouble finding what I was looking for, all the boxes looked the same, the pharmacist had to help me. I made sure to purchase a drink as well cause I needed to get the relieve Tylenol promised. Back in my truck the painful task of buckling up came up again, I contemplated simply driving without it but decided to ask for help. A car with 3 ladies pulled up. Soooo, unlike me I say "excuse me..." and explain my situation and that I needed them to simply help me buckle up. "Thank you miss," they had no idea how much they helped a sista out.
Once I got home, I grabbed a larger ice pace, went to my room, took off my jeans and laid my ass down. What a day.
Now all I had to do was wait for the results. April 21, 2010 appointment.
Anticipation! Fear! Sleepless Nights! Fear! Anxiety! Fear!
Appointment
Got there ON TIME :) did all the paperwork and followed the nurse to the exam room. Yup! did the drill... take off everything from the waist up and put on the paper gown. The nurses; there were 2 this time, 1 new from another hospital, prepped me. One put gel under my arm and located the areas in question. My eyes were glued to the monitor. It didn't take her long at all to locate the area and found several masses. I was shaken by every mass she found after the first, I anticipated them maybe finding only one.... Not 3. She then marks their locations and calls for Dr.R.
Dr. R. was in a meeting but made it down quickly. We make a some small talk as she looks over some info the nurse handed to her and says, "well, I don't think you're going to like me when I'm done today, I've gotta take quiet a few samples." Even though I could feel the pressure the actual procedure wasn't too bad.
The samples taken looked like small pieces of flesh.
Now all I had to do was get up, dressed, and head home. NOT SO EASY! Damn, I was hurting so much the nurses had to help me sit up. My left side was numb! swollen! hard! stiff! swollen!... oh did I mention swollen! OMG! I was in so much pain the nurses had to help me get dressed after they bandaged me up.
Back at the truck I had to use my right hand to reach over and get the buckle. I was seeing freaking stars everywhere. I called A.D. to fill him in. He felt bad because he wasn't there and suggested I waited there for him to come help me. Hell nah, I needed to get home, some pain pills, and my bed....but first I had to make it to CVS across the street.
At CVS
I had so much trouble finding what I was looking for, all the boxes looked the same, the pharmacist had to help me. I made sure to purchase a drink as well cause I needed to get the relieve Tylenol promised. Back in my truck the painful task of buckling up came up again, I contemplated simply driving without it but decided to ask for help. A car with 3 ladies pulled up. Soooo, unlike me I say "excuse me..." and explain my situation and that I needed them to simply help me buckle up. "Thank you miss," they had no idea how much they helped a sista out.
Once I got home, I grabbed a larger ice pace, went to my room, took off my jeans and laid my ass down. What a day.
Now all I had to do was wait for the results. April 21, 2010 appointment.
Anticipation! Fear! Sleepless Nights! Fear! Anxiety! Fear!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Biopsy #1
Between my last visit with Dr. Q. and my first biopsy, there have been several other appointments but I will bypass them. They were more overwhelming than anything else.
April 2010
Back in Dr. R's office. My routine is beginning it seems like. A jolly nurse calls for me. "Mrs. Merrick?...hheeeeyyy come on back. I'm Nichole, Dr. R.'s nurse....." She escorts me and A.D. to a patient room to wait for the doctor. Before she leave she tells me to go ahead and remove everything from the waist up.
A few minutes later Dr. R. comes in with Nichole. While the doctor is informing us on the procedure she's about to do, I see Nichole busying herself pulling and placing a bunch of needles and medical equipment on the counter. Still in their sterile packaging she had them all lined up in some kinda order it would seem. Then she starts fussing with ultrasound machine and some other cumbersome contraption. I know I should be listening to what the doc is saying but all this stuff has my attention. I was really beginning to wonder about this biopsy, it looks like serious business. A.D. was there as well and I know he caught all her info.
They put up a paper barrier. It resembles the ones you may see them use when a mother has a C-section. A.D. was able to stay with me and witnessed the entire thing. Yea, he handled it well,... shoot! He's seen me deliver 3 babies; one deceased; so this wasn't much for him. The only thing I can tell you is that the numbing medication burned a bit and the machine was a bit archaeic sounding, LOUD! All else other than that was explained to me.
There was a small incission made and she inserted a long tubular mechanism used to extract tissue. She repeated this 6 or 7 times, each ending with a click. It didn't hurt at all, just a LOT of pressure. They of course tried to occupy my mind with small chat but, If you know me, I wanted to know what was going on. Kinda surprised them a bit so I explained how I requested pics from my achilles repair. "I don't get many patients like this" Dr. R. laughs. "I know, I'm a little different like that."
After that process, Nicole had to hold a compress on my for about 10 minutes. Dr. R. said this would reduce swelling and bruising. Before she parted, I had to see the samples she took. They look like little white pieces of... grizzle... I guess. I was then bandaged up and sent home to rest.
Now to wait for results.
April 2010
Back in Dr. R's office. My routine is beginning it seems like. A jolly nurse calls for me. "Mrs. Merrick?...hheeeeyyy come on back. I'm Nichole, Dr. R.'s nurse....." She escorts me and A.D. to a patient room to wait for the doctor. Before she leave she tells me to go ahead and remove everything from the waist up.
A few minutes later Dr. R. comes in with Nichole. While the doctor is informing us on the procedure she's about to do, I see Nichole busying herself pulling and placing a bunch of needles and medical equipment on the counter. Still in their sterile packaging she had them all lined up in some kinda order it would seem. Then she starts fussing with ultrasound machine and some other cumbersome contraption. I know I should be listening to what the doc is saying but all this stuff has my attention. I was really beginning to wonder about this biopsy, it looks like serious business. A.D. was there as well and I know he caught all her info.
They put up a paper barrier. It resembles the ones you may see them use when a mother has a C-section. A.D. was able to stay with me and witnessed the entire thing. Yea, he handled it well,... shoot! He's seen me deliver 3 babies; one deceased; so this wasn't much for him. The only thing I can tell you is that the numbing medication burned a bit and the machine was a bit archaeic sounding, LOUD! All else other than that was explained to me.
There was a small incission made and she inserted a long tubular mechanism used to extract tissue. She repeated this 6 or 7 times, each ending with a click. It didn't hurt at all, just a LOT of pressure. They of course tried to occupy my mind with small chat but, If you know me, I wanted to know what was going on. Kinda surprised them a bit so I explained how I requested pics from my achilles repair. "I don't get many patients like this" Dr. R. laughs. "I know, I'm a little different like that."
After that process, Nicole had to hold a compress on my for about 10 minutes. Dr. R. said this would reduce swelling and bruising. Before she parted, I had to see the samples she took. They look like little white pieces of... grizzle... I guess. I was then bandaged up and sent home to rest.
Now to wait for results.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Visit to the Surgeon
I rose that morning with great apprehension. Wasn't sure what to expect.
A couple days ago I had to go to the Hillindale branch to get copies of my mammogram films. LOL! didn't know they still had those things around...and still in use. Of course we all;my mom,A.D., and his mom; examined them.
There it is. That cloudy...ginger shaped... mass in my breast. A piece of ginger root is what came to mind when I examined the film. Can't they just take it out. UGH! Maybe that's what Dr.Q. will do. idk
I made my way to Dekalb Medical's main campus and up to Dr. Q's office. A nurse takes me to the back, takes my vitals, asks 10 million questions including the film I brought. She scans through them, holding each up to the light. Pretty expressionless so I had a hard time getting some kind of vibe.
"It's pretty small huh?" I asked. Just to get something outta her. "Yea, it's not that big but the doctor will talk to you more when he comes in."
Long story short. The doctor comes in, does a breast and axillary exam, takes measurements, looks at the film, and request a biopsy be done. That word jolted me a bit. They were gonna cut me to take tissue out. OUCH!
That Friday, for some reason I realized I hadn't verified if Dr. Q was in my insurance network. Investigation showed he wasn't the scramble was on to find another surgeon. I found Dr. R.
She repeats the same steps at Dr. Q and agrees that a biopsy is to be done. Her staff got that set up to be done a couple weeks later in that office. A lot had already occurred but the entanglement begins with my next appointment.
Next post "Biopsy #1"
A couple days ago I had to go to the Hillindale branch to get copies of my mammogram films. LOL! didn't know they still had those things around...and still in use. Of course we all;my mom,A.D., and his mom; examined them.
There it is. That cloudy...ginger shaped... mass in my breast. A piece of ginger root is what came to mind when I examined the film. Can't they just take it out. UGH! Maybe that's what Dr.Q. will do. idk
I made my way to Dekalb Medical's main campus and up to Dr. Q's office. A nurse takes me to the back, takes my vitals, asks 10 million questions including the film I brought. She scans through them, holding each up to the light. Pretty expressionless so I had a hard time getting some kind of vibe.
"It's pretty small huh?" I asked. Just to get something outta her. "Yea, it's not that big but the doctor will talk to you more when he comes in."
Long story short. The doctor comes in, does a breast and axillary exam, takes measurements, looks at the film, and request a biopsy be done. That word jolted me a bit. They were gonna cut me to take tissue out. OUCH!
That Friday, for some reason I realized I hadn't verified if Dr. Q was in my insurance network. Investigation showed he wasn't the scramble was on to find another surgeon. I found Dr. R.
She repeats the same steps at Dr. Q and agrees that a biopsy is to be done. Her staff got that set up to be done a couple weeks later in that office. A lot had already occurred but the entanglement begins with my next appointment.
Next post "Biopsy #1"
Monday, March 28, 2011
The Call
We waited anxiously. In a way, kinda hoping NOT to hear from her. I have mad respect for this doctor, she and I have been together for a long time... even pregnant at the same time (Trey); so yea, we got a little bond.
About 4 something that afternoon, my cell rang from a number that I didn't have as a contact. Just the number showed... no name, no pic. "Hello" I said. "Mrs. Merrick, it's Dr. C....." She informed me that she had to pull over and talk to me cause she was on her way home. Damn I thought. She's in her car, on her personal cell but still called. This can't be good.
She begins to explain that there is need for further investigation on the lump and wanted me to see a surgeon for their opinion and possible biopsy. "A nurse, she's called a navigator, will call you in the morning to help you start setting your appointments."
Start setting my appointments,... what kind of appointments I wondered. I had no problems picking up the phone to call her or any of my other doctors.
She gave me the contact info of the provider she wanted me to see. "What kind of doctor is he" I asked. "He's a surgeon that specializes on the breast. He is the best in the area and does excellent work. This is just a precaution, we just need to see what we're dealing with and make sure it's nothing."
We did a little more small talk and called it an evening.
A.D. stood near by for the entire conversation and saw the change in my expressions and body language. Of course he wanted details of the conversation and that he got. "So they think it's something more that a lump?" "I don't know" I replied "but they want me to get looked at further and possibly get a biopsy." After a little cuddling and consoling he says "they just making sure my baby is fine...that's all... and I know you are."
That night I couldn't sleep. The mere thought this could be something more than a lump that needed to plucked and discarded frightened me. Though no one has said it yet, we knew what this could possibly lead to. "It couldn't be that though, there is no family history of breast cancer."
The next day around 10ish, I got a call from Alisha, the nurse navigator. She happened to catch me while in physical therapy. She explained that she would be guiding me along the way and if I needed anything was to let her know. I filled her in on my recent injury and recovery process and that any appointment with this new doctor would need to work around that. She called and got that set up for me.
My guess was that was just if for her, she works with the hospital to find the right provider and schedule for patients. This chick called me at least 2 times a week, at first it didn't bother me. Now that my head was clearing a bit, I began to really wonder what in the world was a Nurse Navigator. Per the trusty web, a nurse navigator is a nurse trained to advocate, and coordinate care for cancer patients. WHHHATT!! I felt and immediate rush of heat, fear, worry...just tons of emotions at the same time. "Are they really saying I doo have cancer, cause Dr. C. didn't say that. She just wanted to get this lump looked at further" were my thoughts.
In my next conversation with Alisha, I had to to ask "are they saying I have cancer?" she took the professional way outta this one. "Well they just want me to help you get through this precautionary period. Dr. Q will be able to tell us more." blah blah blah blah... was what I heard after that. My heart dropped when I got off the phone with her. "There is no family history of this disease, so why do they believe it's plaguing me.?"
Next step, meet with Dr. Q, have him do an evaluation and give a diagnosis I guess about this lump.
About 4 something that afternoon, my cell rang from a number that I didn't have as a contact. Just the number showed... no name, no pic. "Hello" I said. "Mrs. Merrick, it's Dr. C....." She informed me that she had to pull over and talk to me cause she was on her way home. Damn I thought. She's in her car, on her personal cell but still called. This can't be good.
She begins to explain that there is need for further investigation on the lump and wanted me to see a surgeon for their opinion and possible biopsy. "A nurse, she's called a navigator, will call you in the morning to help you start setting your appointments."
Start setting my appointments,... what kind of appointments I wondered. I had no problems picking up the phone to call her or any of my other doctors.
She gave me the contact info of the provider she wanted me to see. "What kind of doctor is he" I asked. "He's a surgeon that specializes on the breast. He is the best in the area and does excellent work. This is just a precaution, we just need to see what we're dealing with and make sure it's nothing."
We did a little more small talk and called it an evening.
A.D. stood near by for the entire conversation and saw the change in my expressions and body language. Of course he wanted details of the conversation and that he got. "So they think it's something more that a lump?" "I don't know" I replied "but they want me to get looked at further and possibly get a biopsy." After a little cuddling and consoling he says "they just making sure my baby is fine...that's all... and I know you are."
That night I couldn't sleep. The mere thought this could be something more than a lump that needed to plucked and discarded frightened me. Though no one has said it yet, we knew what this could possibly lead to. "It couldn't be that though, there is no family history of breast cancer."
The next day around 10ish, I got a call from Alisha, the nurse navigator. She happened to catch me while in physical therapy. She explained that she would be guiding me along the way and if I needed anything was to let her know. I filled her in on my recent injury and recovery process and that any appointment with this new doctor would need to work around that. She called and got that set up for me.
My guess was that was just if for her, she works with the hospital to find the right provider and schedule for patients. This chick called me at least 2 times a week, at first it didn't bother me. Now that my head was clearing a bit, I began to really wonder what in the world was a Nurse Navigator. Per the trusty web, a nurse navigator is a nurse trained to advocate, and coordinate care for cancer patients. WHHHATT!!
In my next conversation with Alisha, I had to to ask "are they saying I have cancer?" she took the professional way outta this one. "Well they just want me to help you get through this precautionary period. Dr. Q will be able to tell us more." blah blah blah blah... was what I heard after that. My heart dropped when I got off the phone with her. "There is no family history of this disease, so why do they believe it's plaguing me.?"
Next step, meet with Dr. Q, have him do an evaluation and give a diagnosis I guess about this lump.
Friday, March 25, 2011
1 Year Ago
Who would have ever guessed!?... that last year I was in the fight of my life. It's been long hard and challenging gut I'm glad to have made it this far, all in all... still doing pretty well.
When this blog was created, I did so with intentions of keeping my friends abreast of my care. Many of you however have asked "how did you find out?" and many other relevant questions about how this all got started. Now the turbulence has settled, I feel that time can now be shared with you.
Early 2009
Yup! that's when the lump was first noticed. No big deal I thought since it seemed to come and go with "Penlope." Instead of guessing, I discussed it with my gynocologist. Her exam concluded that "there may be a lump but it may just be due to your cycle, we'll just keep an eye on it." She said "if there are any changes in size and or shape come back and we'll check it out." No problem. I thought very little of this and really wasn't bothered with her decission.
For the next several month I did as she said. Checking for any changes... feeling and looking at them. As time went on I remember mentioning to A.D. that "the lump no longer seems to go away with Penelope." "It seems like it has gotten bigger." We weren't sure. Another month or so went by and I said nothing. Something inside began to churn and alert me that this isn't normal. Right then all I wanted to do was focus on my upcoming 2nd degree black belt test. A.D., Trey, and I were scheduled to test together for the same belt rank. :) It would have been nice to have such an accomplishment with them.
The week of November 2, 2009, I finally work up enough nerve to tell A.D. it was time to get this lump looked at further. It was now maybe 4-5 times the size it was when it was originally discovered and now disfigured my left breast. Since it was late in the week, the call to the gynacologist would be made on Monday.
November 8,2009
A.D., myself, and another friend met at the Dojong to train. We were preparing for our upcoming 2nd degree test. We were good. :) During our defense drills... I set up for a particular kick, but when I did that. OMG! SNAP!!!!!! my right Achilles Tendon broke. I've heard of this but NEVA imagined it happening to me. I had surgery to repair in, spent several weeks in a cast, even more in a boot, and then physical therapy. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to test in December with my crew. A.D. was playing Hoke and driving Ms. Daisy everywhere. LOL! what a time.
February 2010
Finally able to get back behind the wheel, :) so I take iniative to follow up with my gynocolagist. This time she is alarmed approximate diameter of the lump and orders a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound for me. That was completed maybe about 2 weeks later.
I remember the both tech's clearly. They both remained unemotional about the whole thing. So therefore I wasn't expecting anything much... until the tech who directed me to get dressed said "I will send your results to Dr. C. and she will call you either this afternoon or first thing in the morning." It was already late in the afternoon... so that alarmed me that she would call the same day.
The events of the exam was expressed to my husband over fear and worry at this point. "She's just gonna say all is well" he says. My thoughts... if the doctor calls you.... it ain't good.
That evening, my cell rings and I see it's from my doctors office. "Mrs. Merrick, this is _____ from Dr. C.'s office. I have been hunting you down cause the number on file is no longer in service. I called the hospital and got this number from them and it worked. Dr. C. want to talk to you but I had to find you first. She will call you shortly." Despite A.D.'s word of comfort, fear and worry began to set in.
To be continued with "The Call" in the next post.
When this blog was created, I did so with intentions of keeping my friends abreast of my care. Many of you however have asked "how did you find out?" and many other relevant questions about how this all got started. Now the turbulence has settled, I feel that time can now be shared with you.
Early 2009
Yup! that's when the lump was first noticed. No big deal I thought since it seemed to come and go with "Penlope." Instead of guessing, I discussed it with my gynocologist. Her exam concluded that "there may be a lump but it may just be due to your cycle, we'll just keep an eye on it." She said "if there are any changes in size and or shape come back and we'll check it out." No problem. I thought very little of this and really wasn't bothered with her decission.
For the next several month I did as she said. Checking for any changes... feeling and looking at them. As time went on I remember mentioning to A.D. that "the lump no longer seems to go away with Penelope." "It seems like it has gotten bigger." We weren't sure. Another month or so went by and I said nothing. Something inside began to churn and alert me that this isn't normal. Right then all I wanted to do was focus on my upcoming 2nd degree black belt test. A.D., Trey, and I were scheduled to test together for the same belt rank. :) It would have been nice to have such an accomplishment with them.
The week of November 2, 2009, I finally work up enough nerve to tell A.D. it was time to get this lump looked at further. It was now maybe 4-5 times the size it was when it was originally discovered and now disfigured my left breast. Since it was late in the week, the call to the gynacologist would be made on Monday.
November 8,2009
A.D., myself, and another friend met at the Dojong to train. We were preparing for our upcoming 2nd degree test. We were good. :) During our defense drills... I set up for a particular kick, but when I did that. OMG! SNAP!!!!!! my right Achilles Tendon broke. I've heard of this but NEVA imagined it happening to me. I had surgery to repair in, spent several weeks in a cast, even more in a boot, and then physical therapy. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to test in December with my crew. A.D. was playing Hoke and driving Ms. Daisy everywhere. LOL! what a time.
February 2010
Finally able to get back behind the wheel, :) so I take iniative to follow up with my gynocolagist. This time she is alarmed approximate diameter of the lump and orders a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound for me. That was completed maybe about 2 weeks later.
I remember the both tech's clearly. They both remained unemotional about the whole thing. So therefore I wasn't expecting anything much... until the tech who directed me to get dressed said "I will send your results to Dr. C. and she will call you either this afternoon or first thing in the morning." It was already late in the afternoon... so that alarmed me that she would call the same day.
The events of the exam was expressed to my husband over fear and worry at this point. "She's just gonna say all is well" he says. My thoughts... if the doctor calls you.... it ain't good.
That evening, my cell rings and I see it's from my doctors office. "Mrs. Merrick, this is _____ from Dr. C.'s office. I have been hunting you down cause the number on file is no longer in service. I called the hospital and got this number from them and it worked. Dr. C. want to talk to you but I had to find you first. She will call you shortly." Despite A.D.'s word of comfort, fear and worry began to set in.
To be continued with "The Call" in the next post.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Friday March 18th
I was feeling pretty good about my appointment today. A.D. and I had a discussion the night before about Lupron and decided to give it a try. We'd see how the side effect went and stop if necessary. Before my Herceptin IV, I met with Dr. S. humph... We went over in detail Lupron, it's effects and A.D.'s concerns. We even discussed the potential loss of sex drive. Dr.S. explains that all the meds he's prescribed for me has that potential effect, so that risk is no NOo greater now than when on chemo.
Next, he looks up the results from the last echo. Remember, I get them every 6 weeks now as opposed to every 3 months. While the results still show a healthy heart, my heart function percentage is still falling. Now we're down to 60%. :( This warranted Dr.S. to refer me to a cardiologist and move my already expedited echo's to every 4 weeks. Though precautions are being taken, I feel confident I will persevere. This is just another hiccup. The cardiologist will also perform the next echo in his office and is the one that has read all previous scans. That appointment is set for the 30th. I'll keep you updated.
Just me
What can I say... besides a bit tired, I feel pretty good. Started taking a daily multiple again to help boost my energy level but it hasn't really kicked in yet. Can't believe it's almost 11 pm and I'm here blogging. AmAzzing! I've actually contemplated wearing my Robo cop boot again. At times I think the achilles on the other leg feels tender. Not sure if I'm more aware of any simple pains or what. IDK... but... I really don't want to hurt anymore. Enough is Enough. Anyway, I pray this post makes sense cause I'm tired as ever and didn't prove read it. LOL!
Peace and Love
Mel
Next, he looks up the results from the last echo. Remember, I get them every 6 weeks now as opposed to every 3 months. While the results still show a healthy heart, my heart function percentage is still falling. Now we're down to 60%. :( This warranted Dr.S. to refer me to a cardiologist and move my already expedited echo's to every 4 weeks. Though precautions are being taken, I feel confident I will persevere. This is just another hiccup. The cardiologist will also perform the next echo in his office and is the one that has read all previous scans. That appointment is set for the 30th. I'll keep you updated.
Just me
What can I say... besides a bit tired, I feel pretty good. Started taking a daily multiple again to help boost my energy level but it hasn't really kicked in yet. Can't believe it's almost 11 pm and I'm here blogging. AmAzzing! I've actually contemplated wearing my Robo cop boot again. At times I think the achilles on the other leg feels tender. Not sure if I'm more aware of any simple pains or what. IDK... but... I really don't want to hurt anymore. Enough is Enough. Anyway, I pray this post makes sense cause I'm tired as ever and didn't prove read it. LOL!
Peace and Love
Mel
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Decissions Decissions
This is a redo cause I somehow or another wasn't able to safe the first one and..... it.... vanished.
As I mentioned to you in my last blog, Dr.S. now wants me to start a new drug, Lupron. It's purpose is to stop my body from ovulating. This drug tells the pituitary gland to send receptors out that inform the body to no longer release eggs. The reason Dr. S. wants to prescribe this med is due to the fact my tumor is hormone receptive...basically hormones (estrogen) are a food source for the type of tumor I had. So, should a tumor ever reappear, there would be no source of nutrients for it grow. This medication would NOT be necessary if I had already gone though menopause. No cycle... no newly produced hormones... nothing to feed new tumors.
The only problem with this is that there are some potentially serious side effects. Side effects that has A.D. kinda in a fickle. Trust me, he has a good argument but I am fine with them.... except one. They are as follows: common ones are Hot flashes, decreased libido; yup, this is my concern. Less common: increased bone pain, breast pain, swelling, weakness, depression, and discomfort at injection site. Rare but significant: congestive heart failure and problems with blood clots.
Honestly, I don't believe there is a drug out there that doesn't have some kind of side effect. Anyway, I was fine with what my doc told me about it why I needed to take this; BUT NOT my husband. He has been somewhat challenging me with questions about it that I honestly couldn't answer. So I got him to speak directly with Dr. S. Even after a 15 minute conference, A.D. still wasn't satisfied with his detailed answers.
That evening A.D. asked if I was going to go though with my appointment for this shot. My response, "yea." He then gives me that "I don't know what else to say to make you reconsider" look and hand gesture. Needless to say, next morning I didn't make it to my appointment, I just couldn't do it with my partner's resent toward it.
Right now with the help of my sister and brother-in-law, we are exploring other possible options. My sister has also somewhat opened a Pandora's box about it as well. Ugh! I'll let you know what I decided...when I decide.
Until then,
peace and love!
As I mentioned to you in my last blog, Dr.S. now wants me to start a new drug, Lupron. It's purpose is to stop my body from ovulating. This drug tells the pituitary gland to send receptors out that inform the body to no longer release eggs. The reason Dr. S. wants to prescribe this med is due to the fact my tumor is hormone receptive...basically hormones (estrogen) are a food source for the type of tumor I had. So, should a tumor ever reappear, there would be no source of nutrients for it grow. This medication would NOT be necessary if I had already gone though menopause. No cycle... no newly produced hormones... nothing to feed new tumors.
The only problem with this is that there are some potentially serious side effects. Side effects that has A.D. kinda in a fickle. Trust me, he has a good argument but I am fine with them.... except one. They are as follows: common ones are Hot flashes, decreased libido; yup, this is my concern. Less common: increased bone pain, breast pain, swelling, weakness, depression, and discomfort at injection site. Rare but significant: congestive heart failure and problems with blood clots.
Honestly, I don't believe there is a drug out there that doesn't have some kind of side effect. Anyway, I was fine with what my doc told me about it why I needed to take this; BUT NOT my husband. He has been somewhat challenging me with questions about it that I honestly couldn't answer. So I got him to speak directly with Dr. S. Even after a 15 minute conference, A.D. still wasn't satisfied with his detailed answers.
That evening A.D. asked if I was going to go though with my appointment for this shot. My response, "yea." He then gives me that "I don't know what else to say to make you reconsider" look and hand gesture. Needless to say, next morning I didn't make it to my appointment, I just couldn't do it with my partner's resent toward it.
Right now with the help of my sister and brother-in-law, we are exploring other possible options. My sister has also somewhat opened a Pandora's box about it as well. Ugh! I'll let you know what I decided...when I decide.
Until then,
peace and love!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Cocktail Date 02/25/11
This morning at the doctors office was crowded as ever. There were no seats left about 10 minutes after I arrived.... thank God I got there 15 minutes early. Ms. M., the front office receptionist, compliments my hair again. While it has grown a bit and grown on me, I'm still upset at the reason it had to be this short. Cancer and Chemo are a Bitch.
Visit with Dr.S.
He is always so happy. He makes me smile every time he comes in the room or whenever I seem him scurrying around the office. No, I'm not in the least bit attracted to him physically... He has a job that he loves, and he does it well. I admire him for that. His compassion for his work and his patients are exemplary.
He goes over my mammogram results, remember they are good, listens to my chest and then we chat. Dr. S explains there is another drug he wants me to take; Lupron. What it does is inform my brain to suppress "Penelope" and any hormones related to it. It would in essence tell my body to go into menopause and NOT feed any tumor that ever return. humph... 35 and in menopause, well I've done the early menopause thing already so guess this will be the final time. From what I understand it'll be a shot in the abdominal area every 3 months. Still want to do more research on it.
I also mentioned to him about my uncle who may now have brain cancer. He, just as I are a bit surprised. Him because brain and breast cancer are in the same family, just learned that today, and one of my early test showed no BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene, family gene that carries cancer cells. Me, cause...I know my uncle as a loud, proud Jamaican; and to imagine him in the state he's in now is heartbreaking. I pray his biopsy comes back benign.
Remember the insurance company denied the Muga test requested from my doctor?...well he's doing a work around. Since they wont pay for that test, he's rescheduled my echo's to be every 6 weeks instead of every 3 months. Any additional change would be detected quickly and adjustments can be made.
The treatment room
Surprisingly, there were only 2 other patients in there. cool! :) I asked the the ladies present "do any of you ladies mind if I turn on the TV?" One lady says "I don't like TV's" so I asked if she had turn it away from her; it was in a catercorner position. She says" No, turn it to you... I don't trust it." OK. I was guessing she was referring to any radioactive rays or something of that sort, but then she turn to a TV tray next to her and turns on a laptop and clamps on some earphones. LOL! I have no real idea what that was about. shrugging my shoulders
The other lady and I got involved in conversation. About 45 minutes worth. Don't worry, I won't get into detail about it but from that I suspect I'll hear from her in the future.
Visit with Dr.S.
He is always so happy. He makes me smile every time he comes in the room or whenever I seem him scurrying around the office. No, I'm not in the least bit attracted to him physically... He has a job that he loves, and he does it well. I admire him for that. His compassion for his work and his patients are exemplary.
He goes over my mammogram results, remember they are good, listens to my chest and then we chat. Dr. S explains there is another drug he wants me to take; Lupron. What it does is inform my brain to suppress "Penelope" and any hormones related to it. It would in essence tell my body to go into menopause and NOT feed any tumor that ever return. humph... 35 and in menopause, well I've done the early menopause thing already so guess this will be the final time. From what I understand it'll be a shot in the abdominal area every 3 months. Still want to do more research on it.
I also mentioned to him about my uncle who may now have brain cancer. He, just as I are a bit surprised. Him because brain and breast cancer are in the same family, just learned that today, and one of my early test showed no BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene, family gene that carries cancer cells. Me, cause...I know my uncle as a loud, proud Jamaican; and to imagine him in the state he's in now is heartbreaking. I pray his biopsy comes back benign.
Remember the insurance company denied the Muga test requested from my doctor?...well he's doing a work around. Since they wont pay for that test, he's rescheduled my echo's to be every 6 weeks instead of every 3 months. Any additional change would be detected quickly and adjustments can be made.
The treatment room
Surprisingly, there were only 2 other patients in there. cool! :) I asked the the ladies present "do any of you ladies mind if I turn on the TV?" One lady says "I don't like TV's" so I asked if she had turn it away from her; it was in a catercorner position. She says" No, turn it to you... I don't trust it." OK. I was guessing she was referring to any radioactive rays or something of that sort, but then she turn to a TV tray next to her and turns on a laptop and clamps on some earphones. LOL! I have no real idea what that was about. shrugging my shoulders
The other lady and I got involved in conversation. About 45 minutes worth. Don't worry, I won't get into detail about it but from that I suspect I'll hear from her in the future.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Denied AGAIN!
My provider had rescheduled the Muga Scan for this past Thursday. They called on Wednesday to inform me they had to canceled my appointment.... again, due to denial from my insurance. hhuummm! guess my heart has to be really damaged before they pay for that. shaking my head.
I did however get some good news Saturday. First, the Merrick's are please to have 2 new assistant instructors and 1 new head instructor on our team. They did an awesome job during their certification and made me proud to be their instructor.
Second, upon my review of the mail that evening, I saw an envelope from Dekalb Medical. "oh lord... what now? missed bill, E.O.B., denial... what is this" were my thoughts. I ripped it open the moment I got upstairs and found the results from my last Mammogram. It reads "Thank you for having your mammogram at our facility. Your mammogram films have been carefully reviewed by one of our board-certified Radiologist." See, if I weren't the seasoned patient I am today, I would have thought this was a setup. I've learned... when there is an issue, the doctor will go through some hoops to get you; even call you from their cell while driving. Yup! that's kinda how it went in the beginning. That part of the story is missing from the blog simply cause it was too painful to describe... maybe later I'll share some with you.
I've gotten off track with the letter from Dekalb. The next paragraph reads "We wish to inform you that the results of you recent mammography examination are normal with benign findings." :D WWWWHHHHAAAATT!!! Both A.D. and I were overjoyed with this news. Finally, good news for us. Exciting! still can't stop cheezin. :D :D :D :D :D :D
Looking forward to some celebration with friends and family. and my photo session with J.D., a friend of mine.
peace and love,
Mel
I did however get some good news Saturday. First, the Merrick's are please to have 2 new assistant instructors and 1 new head instructor on our team. They did an awesome job during their certification and made me proud to be their instructor.
Second, upon my review of the mail that evening, I saw an envelope from Dekalb Medical. "oh lord... what now? missed bill, E.O.B., denial... what is this" were my thoughts. I ripped it open the moment I got upstairs and found the results from my last Mammogram. It reads "Thank you for having your mammogram at our facility. Your mammogram films have been carefully reviewed by one of our board-certified Radiologist." See, if I weren't the seasoned patient I am today, I would have thought this was a setup. I've learned... when there is an issue, the doctor will go through some hoops to get you; even call you from their cell while driving. Yup! that's kinda how it went in the beginning. That part of the story is missing from the blog simply cause it was too painful to describe... maybe later I'll share some with you.
I've gotten off track with the letter from Dekalb. The next paragraph reads "We wish to inform you that the results of you recent mammography examination are normal with benign findings." :D WWWWHHHHAAAATT!!! Both A.D. and I were overjoyed with this news. Finally, good news for us. Exciting! still can't stop cheezin. :D :D :D :D :D :D
Looking forward to some celebration with friends and family. and my photo session with J.D., a friend of mine.
peace and love,
Mel
Saturday, February 12, 2011
I really should have listened
A couple of weeks ago A.D. and I had a meeting at a potential location for our M.A. school. It went well and faster than we anticipated. On the way home, I had this urge to go out and see a friend of mine play some music at a downtown night social. :) The kids were with their grandparents and we really had nothing to do. We toiled the idea of going but decided we were both tired, so we headed home, had some leftovers, popped in a DVD and had a nice quiet evening.
Next morning while cruising Facebook.... as usual :D, I saw a post from that friend I wanted to see play. He was sending out his reminder that he was playing at a particular venue and the show was dedicated to his late grandmother. Breast Cancer had claimed her life early 2010. My heart dropped. I hated that I didn't make it out. I felt that actually showing up on such a day would have been some kinda special. So sorry I missed it. Shoulda listened to my gut feelings.
Just in case you missed it, this was the friend who had invited me to speak at his performance intermission back in November.
Next morning while cruising Facebook.... as usual :D, I saw a post from that friend I wanted to see play. He was sending out his reminder that he was playing at a particular venue and the show was dedicated to his late grandmother. Breast Cancer had claimed her life early 2010. My heart dropped. I hated that I didn't make it out. I felt that actually showing up on such a day would have been some kinda special. So sorry I missed it. Shoulda listened to my gut feelings.
Just in case you missed it, this was the friend who had invited me to speak at his performance intermission back in November.
Friday, February 11, 2011
February Update
Several weeks have passed and I have a bit to share with you. First let me fill you in on that friend I told you about that has been fighting Cancer for a year.
They didn't make it over that weekend cause she wasn't feeling well. I learned that while chemo is no longer working for her they are still treating her with something. Whatever they're giving her had her glued to her bed for the week. Her husband did make it by to get the water for her though. He's adamant they both feel it's benefits. Glad to hear that and I pray she pulls though this.
As for me, well all is well for the most part. Still waiting for this test ordered from my doctor called a Muga Scan. I was actually scheduled to have it done today but my insurance company denied my doctors request. Let me explain why. Dr. S. ordered the test cause my last echo showed a possible change in heart function. The medication they still give me actually can cause heart damage so he has to look closer as of to why there is a change. Based on what they find, they may have to either slow down or stop that medication. NOW, understand that despite the change in echo results, my reading is still that of a healthy heart. The insurance company sees that as a healthy heart and a patient too young to have heart trauma. Guess they want to wait till it gets really destroyed before approving it. Insurance companies!!! Dr. S has filed an appeal, so I just need to wait for the approval and go get the test done.
This pass Wednesday I had an appointment with the cosmetic surgeon. :D She was ever so pleased to see how well my skin has healed. "If I didn't know your condition and all you've been through, I would have thought this little discoloration was a birthmark... I'm really impressed." Love it. So my next thought was "when can we do surgery cause I wanna be ready by spring." After little discussion we decided on May 9th. A little longer than I wanted but I figured it best this way as well. Dr. F. pushed it back cause she is expecting... she's due late March. :) So, while she can do the surgery now, she doesn't want anyone else taking care of me while she on maternity leave. In essence, we just have to wait for her little one. I'm cool with that.
I've been trying to decide what to do with my hair. Should I keep it short short or let it grow out? The hard thing about letting it grow out is that in between stage. where I am. LOL! So, I let A.D. go ahead a cut it for me. Yea, I warned him to not "F" it up since I'm keeping some this time. :) Now he wants to taper the back so it won't look like I have a shag. It's getting curly and I had hoped the cut would lay it down. No such luck... shagging it. LOL! Sie, my daughter, says to me "I like your haircut mommy but don't cut it again. You need to let it grow so you can have long hair like me."
Gotta love the little ones honesty.
That's it for now. I promise no long hiatus for the next one. :D Until then...
Live, Laugh, Love!
Mel
p.s. Happy Valentine's Day!
They didn't make it over that weekend cause she wasn't feeling well. I learned that while chemo is no longer working for her they are still treating her with something. Whatever they're giving her had her glued to her bed for the week. Her husband did make it by to get the water for her though. He's adamant they both feel it's benefits. Glad to hear that and I pray she pulls though this.
As for me, well all is well for the most part. Still waiting for this test ordered from my doctor called a Muga Scan. I was actually scheduled to have it done today but my insurance company denied my doctors request. Let me explain why. Dr. S. ordered the test cause my last echo showed a possible change in heart function. The medication they still give me actually can cause heart damage so he has to look closer as of to why there is a change. Based on what they find, they may have to either slow down or stop that medication. NOW, understand that despite the change in echo results, my reading is still that of a healthy heart. The insurance company sees that as a healthy heart and a patient too young to have heart trauma. Guess they want to wait till it gets really destroyed before approving it. Insurance companies!!! Dr. S has filed an appeal, so I just need to wait for the approval and go get the test done.
This pass Wednesday I had an appointment with the cosmetic surgeon. :D She was ever so pleased to see how well my skin has healed. "If I didn't know your condition and all you've been through, I would have thought this little discoloration was a birthmark... I'm really impressed." Love it. So my next thought was "when can we do surgery cause I wanna be ready by spring." After little discussion we decided on May 9th. A little longer than I wanted but I figured it best this way as well. Dr. F. pushed it back cause she is expecting... she's due late March. :) So, while she can do the surgery now, she doesn't want anyone else taking care of me while she on maternity leave. In essence, we just have to wait for her little one. I'm cool with that.
I've been trying to decide what to do with my hair. Should I keep it short short or let it grow out? The hard thing about letting it grow out is that in between stage. where I am. LOL! So, I let A.D. go ahead a cut it for me. Yea, I warned him to not "F" it up since I'm keeping some this time. :) Now he wants to taper the back so it won't look like I have a shag. It's getting curly and I had hoped the cut would lay it down. No such luck... shagging it. LOL! Sie, my daughter, says to me "I like your haircut mommy but don't cut it again. You need to let it grow so you can have long hair like me."
Gotta love the little ones honesty.
That's it for now. I promise no long hiatus for the next one. :D Until then...
Live, Laugh, Love!
Mel
p.s. Happy Valentine's Day!
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