Recontruction time

All has been pretty normal for a while. I decided to go ahead with the Lupron, think I mentioned it before, and still on everything else.

I went in for my Herceptin infusion. Of course Dr. S, my oncologist, wanted to see me first so the nurse took me to a patient room. He came in just as jolly as can be. LOL! "Hey there, how are you,tell me what going on." I explained that I had been having trouble sleeping, and staying asleep. That's so NOT like me, usually when my head touch my pillow I'm out. So he gives me Ambien. The he says to me I know you're probably going to punch me but how are hot flashes going?" I looked at him and sat up straight. "You knew this would happen huh?" "yes" he said. No I didn't punch him, not my style, ;-)but I did give him an earful of my new experiences with hot flashes. They can make a sista (or any person) miserable. He explains why they are a good thing in my case. If I weren't experiencing them, that would mean my body is still ovulating and creating hormones. So for now they are a good thing.

Monday May 9,2011 Surgery Day

I've been looking forward to this surgery for a while. Reconstructive surgery. No I didn't have a mastectomy BUT the left side of the team was a bit disfigured and smaller due to the lumpectomy and radiation. The surgeon; Dr.F; said she would fix that, make the breast symmetrical, and give me a lift as well using nothing but my own tissue.

Got to the hospital on time and they got busy with me going over notes,taking vitals, and starting an IV IN MY FOOT! OUCH!!!I'm sure I crushed A.D.'s hand for that one. The blood pressure cup was then placed on my other leg. See, I can no longer have anything restrictive on my left side due to the removal of lymph nodes and hand surgeon, Dr.Y., was brought in to remove two benign cysts from the right hand.

Dr. F came in shortly before the begin time and drew some makings on my chest. I'm excited now. Then the driver comes to take me back to O.R. LOL! It's the same dude that took my back last time. OR 2 is where we're stationed today. Dr. Y. comes out greets me and draws a smiley face on my finger and hand where he will be working.

In O.R. I'm transferred to another bed. LOL! this is nice. There is some blues playing. Dr. Y. explained that he had just gotten back from a Louisiana festival and had picked it up. Of course I take notice of everything around me. The tech's, the nurse, the equipment; ugh shouldn't have looked at that; the lights, everything. Anesthesia comes in and plays a game on me. Literally! After placing some wires and I guess getting some stuff in order she says "Let's make sure this the the right size mask for you." :l That's the last I remember before waking up in recovery.

Recovery Triage

All I really remember is starting to wake up in pain. The nurse next to me asked how I was doing and I told her "my boobies hurt." "Ok, I'll get you another dose of morphine. Think I got about 3 or 4 of those before they wheeled me to the patient room. Took about another 2 hour nap then went home.

Now I rest at home with a tight support bra and my hand bandaged. :l Friday we go in for a followup. I'll get a glimpse of them and learn how to change my bandages.

April 21, 2010

Very Apprehensive this morning. Today I get the results from the biopsies. There is something just churning in my gut... but I don't know what. Maybe because I know I'm not a good test taker and may not get good results. Nerves!!! Nerves!!! NERVOUS, on the inside, but on the outside all you see is a calm, in control Mel.

A.D. and I got the kids off to school... on time, then head to Dunkin Donuts before heading to Dekalb Medical. UGH! my stomach.... churning with nerves! Anxiety is killing me...yet I maintain steady on the outside. Just don't fuck with me right now... ANYBODY!

AT THE HOSPITAL

A.D. pulls into a disables parking spot, I still had my decal from when I was in crutches and didn't mind still using it though I was better. UGH! my stomach is letting me know I ain't comfortable with my environment. ANXIETY!!! A.D. knows me well... I believe he can actually feel my distress and comforts me with simple works I can comprehend right now; "it's okay babe."

Sitting there in the waiting room allowed me to think about a lot of things. But I recalled wanting to see Dr. R.'s face, I needed to read her expressions and body language. I could determine if she had good news or not. A few more minutes go by then the nurse calls "Merrick."

Heading to the patient room

Nicole smiles as we came to her but it isn't her expression or face demeanor I'm interested in... Dr. R.? where are you? Just about to the room and I look to my left and there she is but damn!!!! her back is to me as she consults with one of the med students. ugh!!! WAIT!!! He looked at me, he couldn't help but lock eyes with me for a few seconds. Yea, sincerity was there but there was something more genuine,.... kindness... sympathy??? SHIT!!!! What does he know that I don't!? Still it's not his expression I want, but she kept her back to me.

We waited a few seconds, and I do mean seconds, and she comes in; without the student. DAMN, her face is neutral... she tells me nothing much by her demeanor, but she isn't really smiling as she usually does. After a little exam of my breast, from the biopsy area, she sits on her rolling stool and says "Well you did well with your test but unfortunately the samples came back as Cancer... you have breast cancer." The rest was a blur... she attempted to tell us some other stuff but she sounded like the Charlie Brown characters.

I'm going to spare you the rest of the story and let you read it in my book; the one that so many are encouraging me to write. :) It's a bit much for me to types these words, they are quoted word from my medical diary and those were written fresh with emotions at the time. Trust that this has been a tremendous emotional journey for my family and I, and that showing and sharing my emotion like this is NOT like me.

Anyway, I believe you can now pick up the rest of the story at the beginning of this blog site.