Alright, today I get the pathology results from my surgeon. I've been looking forward to this day for two reasons. 1- like I said, what else could they possibly tell me other than that I'm Cancer FREE, and 2- I seem to having a bit of swelling under the arm.
In the waiting room
Being here brings back so many negative memories for me, but this time I know I've got good news. What else could this doctor tell me other that that all the cancer is gone. So I chilled and looked at the pictures in the Good Housekeeping Magazine; even though I knew I was here to get good news I had no desire to actually read anything. I just needed to preoccupy my mind.
Nurse: Melissaaaa Merrick (with a smile this time)
In the patient room
At this point I think you guys should know how my drill goes... yea, undress from the waist up and put on the paper shirt. LOL! Fine.
The doctor comes in and asks "how are you doing." I could tell from her body language she had good news for me this time. "I'm fine,... just a lot of swelling under the arm but it's sounds like liquid in there." She said she'd take a look at it during the exam but first wanted to go over the pathology report. I just know she has good news this time... I can feel it!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Flashbacks
Okay, so I'm sitting here in my truck this morning somewhat listening to Frank and Wanda argue about being the only high profile positive black influences in our community.... blah bla bla blah..blah blaahh. I'm at the intersection of hell that construction crews are trying relentlessly to correct; Hillandale Dr. and Dekalb Medical Pkwy, heading to the bank.
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. I'm patiently waiting for this older guy in front of me to take a chance and make his left turn. "Dude! you could have taken that one." Tap, tap, tap, tap. Being that I was second to turn, I was able to have good sight of the same traffic. I watched all the opportunities that I probably would have taken and wondered why the hell he wouldn't. Then I thought about my swollen and bruised boob and underarm. "Mel! maybe he's like me...slightly injured, or maybe he's just getting off work a bit sleepy and trying his best to not mess up the traffic flow,or maybe he's just not sure where he's going."
Somehow or another, while waiting for this man to turn my mind went back to several months ago. Right before I was diagnosed. A particular conversation with my mother-in-law is what came to me. In this conversation she reminded me that she and one of her nieces had to have a biopsy of the breast done and it turned out to be just a cyst. Then my thoughts jumped to our, mine and A.D.'s, immediate family's responses to "Mel has Cancer." My mom said "don't cry, we can beat this....." My mother-in-law gasped and said something like Sh*t! oh no, I'm sorry, you know we're hear for you.... My brother-in-law "F*ck! DAMN BRO! SH*T! NAWH ...." All the emotions of those days, those moments were so overwhelming. So much so that thinking about them; still waiting to make this turn; still brought tears to my eyes. Humph, I'm tearing up just as I write this as well. I need to stop here. Too much emotion... tears, rears,tears.
Love you all.
Good Night
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. I'm patiently waiting for this older guy in front of me to take a chance and make his left turn. "Dude!
Somehow or another, while waiting for this man to turn my mind went back to several months ago. Right before I was diagnosed. A particular conversation with my mother-in-law is what came to me. In this conversation she reminded me that she and one of her nieces had to have a biopsy of the breast done and it turned out to be just a cyst. Then my thoughts jumped to our, mine and A.D.'s, immediate family's responses to "Mel has Cancer." My mom said "don't cry, we can beat this....." My mother-in-law gasped and said something like Sh*t! oh no, I'm sorry, you know we're hear for you.... My brother-in-law "F*ck! DAMN BRO! SH*T! NAWH ...." All the emotions of those days, those moments were so overwhelming. So much so that thinking about them; still waiting to make this turn; still brought tears to my eyes. Humph, I'm tearing up just as I write this as well. I need to stop here. Too much emotion... tears, rears,tears.
Love you all.
Good Night
Thursday, October 21, 2010
After Surgery
Hi all,
Thanks so much for all the well wishes. They certainly light up my day and lift my spirits. I love you all and couldn't have made it through so smoothly without any of you. FYI- there are many more followers that support me but just don't wanna put their pics up. LOL! of course it's okay if you call, text, IM or email me instead. I'm open to just about all forms of communication.... wait if I get too close to my max txt limits we gotta choose something else. :D Verizon will get you on overages boy.
Well it's been 3 days since my surgery and I'm finally starting to feel better. Still a bit sore but not as bad. My doctor gave me Lortab for pain; YUP!, I took it even though popping pain pills isn't really my thing, and my body decided to have a little allergic reaction to it. WHAT! It shocked to heck outta me. Monday night I could hardly sleep due to the fact I was itchy EVERYWHERE! No part of my outer body was spared from the retched itch. I figured this is what a cat or dog would feel like if they had flees. There aren't too many things that can keep me from falling asleep but Lortab put an end to that.
I called my surgeon Tuesday morning about it and she recommended I take some Benadryl with it. Fine. I did, and I slept like a baby Tuesday night. Wednesday night, I did the same thing.... so why the hell was the Benydryl loosing. I took two of those suckas. OH! A.D. and I watched this movie last night named "Hot tub Time Machine" that was actually funny enough to keep me awake despite taking all those meds. LOL! He was shocked as well.
Wednesday, I realized I had little to no feeling in my upper left arm and underarm. From the elbow up felt like that numbing sensation you get when the dentist injects Novocaine in the cheeks and gum line. I know that there would be some nerve loss but I sure hope to regain a little more that what it is now.
Today is Thursday. I am so ready to get outta this house so I'm hitting the road. :) A.D. is driving Ms.Daisy... again. LOL!
Peace and Love
Mel
Thanks so much for all the well wishes. They certainly light up my day and lift my spirits. I love you all and couldn't have made it through so smoothly without any of you. FYI- there are many more followers that support me but just don't wanna put their pics up. LOL! of course it's okay if you call, text, IM or email me instead. I'm open to just about all forms of communication.... wait if I get too close to my max txt limits we gotta choose something else. :D Verizon will get you on overages boy.
Well it's been 3 days since my surgery and I'm finally starting to feel better. Still a bit sore but not as bad. My doctor gave me Lortab for pain; YUP!, I took it even though popping pain pills isn't really my thing, and my body decided to have a little allergic reaction to it. WHAT! It shocked to heck outta me. Monday night I could hardly sleep due to the fact I was itchy EVERYWHERE! No part of my outer body was spared from the retched itch. I figured this is what a cat or dog would feel like if they had flees. There aren't too many things that can keep me from falling asleep but Lortab put an end to that.
I called my surgeon Tuesday morning about it and she recommended I take some Benadryl with it. Fine. I did, and I slept like a baby Tuesday night. Wednesday night, I did the same thing.... so why the hell was the Benydryl loosing. I took two of those suckas. OH! A.D. and I watched this movie last night named "Hot tub Time Machine" that was actually funny enough to keep me awake despite taking all those meds. LOL! He was shocked as well.
Wednesday, I realized I had little to no feeling in my upper left arm and underarm. From the elbow up felt like that numbing sensation you get when the dentist injects Novocaine in the cheeks and gum line. I know that there would be some nerve loss but I sure hope to regain a little more that what it is now.
Today is Thursday. I am so ready to get outta this house so I'm hitting the road. :) A.D. is driving Ms.Daisy... again. LOL!
Peace and Love
Mel
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Surgery Day
I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready.... I'm ready. Just convincing myself that I am, but truthfully.... I'm don't want another surgery. I've had enough! Guess this is one of those necessary evils. UGH! Cancer is a BITCH!
The Night Before
I didn't eat anything after midnight and put the antinausea patch behind my ear as instructed. Put my jammies on and went to bed. One problem, I wasn't able to fall asleep and stay there. I kept having some sort of weird dreams. Needless to say it wasn't till close to the time to get up that I was in a deep sleep. Ok fine, I'll just take a quick nap while I'm in triage waiting. That'll work for me.
At the Hospital
Comprehensive Breast Center
We (my husband, mother and I) got to Dekalb about 5 minutes late. My girlfriend Susie met us there. She came to be supportive. Thanks Lady. :)
First part of the morning began with visit from radiologist and his nurse. The nurse took some pics with the mammogram machine. NOPE! I don't know what it's technical name is. The nurse, doctor, and I were please at how much the tumor had shrunk. Now, he had to place a long wire thing into my breast in order for the surgen to easily identify the area being removed. He calls himself tryna numb up the are but even that med burned. After placing the wire where it needed to be, they taped a styrofoam cup around it. NOooo not my breast, I got toooo much to fit in there. LOL. Just the wire that's sticking out. Doc make small talk with us and orders a wheelchair for my transport over to the Outpatient Surgery Building.
Outpatient Surgery Building
I ended up in room #16... The same room my mother was in last week Tuesday. Talk about de ja vu. humph...Here I got dressed in another hospial gown, used the facilities, and got my vitals taken. Dr. R; my surgeon; came to explain the procedure. She plans on making an incesion under the breast to remove the tumor and another under the arm... But! she plans to remove all the lymph nodes under arm. She explains that I will never be able to have my blood pressure, needles or anything restrictive on that left arm again. It would cause another condition call Lymphedema. OUTSTANDING!
Operating Room
The staff rolls me to O.R.#6. Damn! wasn't I just here!!?? The room is just as I remembered it. Few staff members bustling around getting ready for me. The anisthesiologist says to me "you'll be out shortly." As soon as I felt myself drifting I said to him "see you later, I'm leaving now." He turns to me and he chuckles... "yes you are."
Surgery Complete
Of course I have no recollection of what had happened around me. All I knew was that my throat was sore/ dry as heck and my upper left side was in a lot of pain. The nurse hooked me up with some painkillers, went over the discharge, and sent me on my way.
At home
No lie, I went straight to bed... with a some help from A.D. cause I was still too drugged up to make it up the stairs by myself. LOL! we all just relaxed for the rest of the evening... At least that's what I remember.
The Night Before
I didn't eat anything after midnight and put the antinausea patch behind my ear as instructed. Put my jammies on and went to bed. One problem, I wasn't able to fall asleep and stay there. I kept having some sort of weird dreams. Needless to say it wasn't till close to the time to get up that I was in a deep sleep. Ok fine, I'll just take a quick nap while I'm in triage waiting. That'll work for me.
At the Hospital
Comprehensive Breast Center
We (my husband, mother and I) got to Dekalb about 5 minutes late. My girlfriend Susie met us there. She came to be supportive. Thanks Lady. :)
First part of the morning began with visit from radiologist and his nurse. The nurse took some pics with the mammogram machine. NOPE! I don't know what it's technical name is. The nurse, doctor, and I were please at how much the tumor had shrunk. Now, he had to place a long wire thing into my breast in order for the surgen to easily identify the area being removed. He calls himself tryna numb up the are but even that med burned. After placing the wire where it needed to be, they taped a styrofoam cup around it. NOooo not my breast, I got toooo much to fit in there. LOL. Just the wire that's sticking out. Doc make small talk with us and orders a wheelchair for my transport over to the Outpatient Surgery Building.
Outpatient Surgery Building
I ended up in room #16... The same room my mother was in last week Tuesday. Talk about de ja vu. humph...Here I got dressed in another hospial gown, used the facilities, and got my vitals taken. Dr. R; my surgeon; came to explain the procedure. She plans on making an incesion under the breast to remove the tumor and another under the arm... But! she plans to remove all the lymph nodes under arm. She explains that I will never be able to have my blood pressure, needles or anything restrictive on that left arm again. It would cause another condition call Lymphedema. OUTSTANDING!
Operating Room
The staff rolls me to O.R.#6. Damn! wasn't I just here!!?? The room is just as I remembered it. Few staff members bustling around getting ready for me. The anisthesiologist says to me "you'll be out shortly." As soon as I felt myself drifting I said to him "see you later, I'm leaving now." He turns to me and he chuckles... "yes you are."
Surgery Complete
Of course I have no recollection of what had happened around me. All I knew was that my throat was sore/ dry as heck and my upper left side was in a lot of pain. The nurse hooked me up with some painkillers, went over the discharge, and sent me on my way.
At home
No lie, I went straight to bed... with a some help from A.D. cause I was still too drugged up to make it up the stairs by myself. LOL! we all just relaxed for the rest of the evening... At least that's what I remember.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Lumpectomy
It's Sunday October 17th, and I'm up for the next surgery. Tomorrow morning I'm to be at Dekalb Medical lumpectomy. Lumpectomy is a procedure where they remove only the affected area of the breast.
How I'm feeling
This morning the family and I were actually able to sleep late. So glad for that. :) The only thing I really wanted/ needed to do was
1) clean my truck, that was a want
2) to the laundry, that's a need... cha
3) cook, guess that's a need
4) do my toenails, that's a need! WHAT! :D)
well I got some of this stuff done, we actually ended up spending the day catching up on The Avatar. No not the blue people from Pandora but the Last Airbender the cartoon.... the movie SUCKED!!!!!
Today I went though so many emotions. One moment I feel teary, next agitated, to solem, not really happy today. Guess I just want this surgery to be over. It's now 12:30 a.m. so I better get some kinda rest for later.
XXXX
How I'm feeling
This morning the family and I were actually able to sleep late. So glad for that. :) The only thing I really wanted/ needed to do was
1) clean my truck, that was a want
2) to the laundry, that's a need... cha
3) cook, guess that's a need
4) do my toenails, that's a need! WHAT! :D)
well I got some of this stuff done, we actually ended up spending the day catching up on The Avatar. No not the blue people from Pandora but the Last Airbender the cartoon.... the movie SUCKED!!!!!
Today I went though so many emotions. One moment I feel teary, next agitated, to solem, not really happy today. Guess I just want this surgery to be over. It's now 12:30 a.m. so I better get some kinda rest for later.
XXXX
Friday, October 15, 2010
Me and my Cookie
OK, so I was gonna just let everyone know that I didn't have surgery today as planned but got something better for you to read. Surgery had to be rescheduled to Monday cause some personal issues came up with my surgeon. Hopefully this the last procedure as such for me. Anyway, I was checking FB before I updated you guys and came across... a blog about me. Check it out, it's written by a friend of mine.
Inspired By Skittles...
I have a friend, a friend for about 19 + years and counting. Though we haven't seen each other in a long long LONG time I still regard her as someone very special in my life. We met through our mothers who were close. And through their closeness we become close.
She was a popular girl entering Junior High School with many friends and I started with none. She was kind enough to stick close to me as a new girl starting out and introduce me to her friends so we can all become friends and I wouldn't feel alone. Unfortunately we didn't graduate J.H.S together because she left New York and moved to Georgia with her family. Even though we now had some miles in between us, I was glad that throughout the years we have still remained a part of each others lives so much so that I was honored to witness the union of her marriage to her husband as a bridesmaid in her wedding about 10+ years ago.
Well, that's our history. Here we are 2010. I wake up one morning early because I couldn't sleep and went on Facebook to see what everyone was up to (don't judge me, you know you do it too). I saw that she posted something on Facebook that made me sit up in my bed. She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I could barely get through reading the post without my hands shaking and tears streaming down my face...who am I kidding I was bawling. Partly because I wasn't there with her & the other part because I was fearing the whatifs ( I won't even go there). I'm tearing up just writing this so I will stop now because I just can't...
She talks about her journey in her blog HERE. But in case you don't get a chance to read it just know that she is OK...she is a survivor...she is blessed...she is alive...she is kicking butt (literally)...and she is Awesome.. and she is STILL my friend.
So I dedicate this inspiration board to her...my friend Melissa. For just being the her!
In this section of Cookie's blog, she shows some of her Pink work. BEAUTIFUL stuff
http://alittlebitathis.blogspot.com/2010/10/inspired-by-skittles.html
Inspired By Skittles...
I have a friend, a friend for about 19 + years and counting. Though we haven't seen each other in a long long LONG time I still regard her as someone very special in my life. We met through our mothers who were close. And through their closeness we become close.
She was a popular girl entering Junior High School with many friends and I started with none. She was kind enough to stick close to me as a new girl starting out and introduce me to her friends so we can all become friends and I wouldn't feel alone. Unfortunately we didn't graduate J.H.S together because she left New York and moved to Georgia with her family. Even though we now had some miles in between us, I was glad that throughout the years we have still remained a part of each others lives so much so that I was honored to witness the union of her marriage to her husband as a bridesmaid in her wedding about 10+ years ago.
Well, that's our history. Here we are 2010. I wake up one morning early because I couldn't sleep and went on Facebook to see what everyone was up to (don't judge me, you know you do it too). I saw that she posted something on Facebook that made me sit up in my bed. She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I could barely get through reading the post without my hands shaking and tears streaming down my face...who am I kidding I was bawling. Partly because I wasn't there with her & the other part because I was fearing the whatifs ( I won't even go there). I'm tearing up just writing this so I will stop now because I just can't...
She talks about her journey in her blog HERE. But in case you don't get a chance to read it just know that she is OK...she is a survivor...she is blessed...she is alive...she is kicking butt (literally)...and she is Awesome.. and she is STILL my friend.
So I dedicate this inspiration board to her...my friend Melissa. For just being the her!
In this section of Cookie's blog, she shows some of her Pink work. BEAUTIFUL stuff
http://alittlebitathis.blogspot.com/2010/10/inspired-by-skittles.html
Sunday, October 3, 2010
What's Happening Now
Hey guys,
Thank you all for reading. I truly appreciate it and love each and every one of you for your unwavering support. xoxoxox
September 22
Today I met with my surgeon again. The nurse come to get us as usual and take us back to a patient room... BUT! it's the same room where our live were first turned upside down by Cancer. UGH! It is just a room but I can't help but feel a bit of animosity towards it,... towards being here. Shit, it's just a room right? On with the routine... remove all clothing on the top and put on the waist length paper gown. LOL! they don't even have to tell me anymore.
A few minutes later there was a little knock and in comes my doctor. Everything about her is so personable.
She inquires about how I handled my treatments, then moves on to the next step that involves her. Surgery. With the exam she just did, and the great shrinkage of the tumor; she anticipates nothing more than a lumpectomy. YEAaaaa! I get to keep MY boobies. :D Surgery is scheduled for October 15th.
September 30th
Another appointment with a new doctor. A Radiation Oncologist. A little research shows that he's one of Atlanta's top in his specialty. He's a very nice, "sweet", informed, and informative kinda guy. What he plans is to start radiation therapy about 3-4 weeks after the surgery. Why is radiation needed? Trust me I had the same question. Well, while the chemo goes through the entire body to shrink any other possible cancer cells, the radiation is very targeted to the affected area for any stray tumors. This treatment will be done daily for 5-6 weeks, and by the 3rd or 4th week he says I'll have some darkening of the skin. hump! glad it's the time of year to cover up.
Confession
In an embrace, my husband reveals to me that he's happy I get to keep the girls... typical... right? LOL! Of course I'm happy about that as well. Then he goes and adds that he's grateful he gets to keep me as well. HUH! Where in the world did that come from I wondered. Come to find out before we were given the full depth of my condition and treatment plan, my husband thought he was/ could be loosing me to this Bitch. Him saying that was like another realization of how lucky I am to have him, my kids, and my family. I love them dearly even though they each take turns getting on my nerves. What doesn't know is that the same thing that once concerned him also tore at me. For days I wondered if this was how it was gonna end for me. There was so much to be done, so much undone. How could I exit this world now? Then we get informed and I say "Thank You Lord."
Thank you all for reading. I truly appreciate it and love each and every one of you for your unwavering support. xoxoxox
September 22
Today I met with my surgeon again. The nurse come to get us as usual and take us back to a patient room... BUT! it's the same room where our live were first turned upside down by Cancer. UGH! It is just a room but I can't help but feel a bit of animosity towards it,... towards being here. Shit, it's just a room right? On with the routine... remove all clothing on the top and put on the waist length paper gown. LOL! they don't even have to tell me anymore.
A few minutes later there was a little knock and in comes my doctor. Everything about her is so personable.
She inquires about how I handled my treatments, then moves on to the next step that involves her. Surgery. With the exam she just did, and the great shrinkage of the tumor; she anticipates nothing more than a lumpectomy. YEAaaaa! I get to keep MY boobies. :D Surgery is scheduled for October 15th.
September 30th
Another appointment with a new doctor. A Radiation Oncologist. A little research shows that he's one of Atlanta's top in his specialty. He's a very nice, "sweet", informed, and informative kinda guy. What he plans is to start radiation therapy about 3-4 weeks after the surgery. Why is radiation needed? Trust me I had the same question. Well, while the chemo goes through the entire body to shrink any other possible cancer cells, the radiation is very targeted to the affected area for any stray tumors. This treatment will be done daily for 5-6 weeks, and by the 3rd or 4th week he says I'll have some darkening of the skin. hump! glad it's the time of year to cover up.
Confession
In an embrace, my husband reveals to me that he's happy I get to keep the girls... typical... right? LOL! Of course I'm happy about that as well. Then he goes and adds that he's grateful he gets to keep me as well. HUH! Where in the world did that come from I wondered. Come to find out before we were given the full depth of my condition and treatment plan, my husband thought he was/ could be loosing me to this Bitch. Him saying that was like another realization of how lucky I am to have him, my kids, and my family. I love them dearly even though they each take turns getting on my nerves. What doesn't know is that the same thing that once concerned him also tore at me. For days I wondered if this was how it was gonna end for me. There was so much to be done, so much undone. How could I exit this world now? Then we get informed and I say "Thank You Lord."
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